2jk.org/Intellect Or Insanity/Jonathan Klinger's Blog: Gan Shula Newsletters Archives

August 13, 2004

Gan Shula Newsletter

---Disclaimer---
You are receiving this Email since Jonathan J. Klinger had thought that his babbling is of your interest. should you want to stop getting his babble, do mail him at Stop_Sending_Me_Junk@TDEK.ORG and he will stop sending you any future mailings, however, doing so will insult him very much
---Disclaimer---

istl of gredientsin
-------------------
i My So Called Happy Ending
ii Party
iii New Site Coming Soon
iv New Job Coming Soon
v Internet Dating
vi Politics, Sex and Power
vii Seekage

My So Called Happy Ending
-------------------------
Well; one week after the said party, i am happy to declare that
everything went fine, my house is still in a mess, but it was always
like it and will always be, i am still single, but always were and
always will be; and finally, My life is all so different yet all so
similar. I'll explain in the near future.

Party
-----
Well, the party was a success, many people came (10x to: Maya Crabtree, Amir and others), yet it had something missing. lots of good people, alcohol et cetera, but it lacked the general themes of parties in my house, meaning the total atomic war going on during it, people intoxicating themselves beyond recognition and/or cognition, and others. anyways, it was fun, if you left early or if you just didn't come, feel sorry for yourself.

New Site Coming Soon
---------------------
I bought a new domain today, 2jk.org, which is going to be my Blog and HostSpace for the next year or so. You see, starting my Internship next month, i shall have to relieve myself from all so many pleasure given by TDEK, including an Email account, therefore, though Jonathan@tdek.org and many other accounts shall remain active, my new accounts will be either Jon@zilzul.com or j@2jk.org which is the shortest email address possible nowadays. the site shall hold the Gan Shula Archives, where you can have a look at my words from the early days of 2001 and it will be my blog, with place for my articles and stuff. if you want an email account activated at 2jk.org let me know. By the way, all the TDEK/Zilzul Accounts which were opened to my friends shall not be closed, so thou shall not worry.

New Job Coming Soon
-------------------
As i said, I'm starting a new job as a civil servant, I'm going to work for minimum wage in the magistrate court of Haifa; a dull 8-2 position in which i shall determine the fates of many loved ones and several other people. if you have any legal problem, i suggest that you address them from now on to my Judge, who shall bring the file to me so i can write my opinion and decide.

Internet Dating
---------------
Nothing special, i just met a girl who approached me on the web and it sucked. nevermind

Politics, Sex and Power
-----------------------
Politics - nothing special, we started the ShadowGovernment campaign, it seems promising and nothing more, it would be nice if you could donate something, have a look at www.shadowgov.org to see what we are doing.
Sex - No sex life whatsoever, please help
Power - ?

Seekage
-------
I was accepted to Tel Aviv University, starting my M.Phil under the
school of "History and Philosophy of Science and Ideas" which is totally cool, so I'm not going to Haifa and not to Edinburgh, help me there if you can, i need scholarship et cetera.

Till then,
---
Jonathan Joseph Klinger
Tel : +972-52-3436436
Fax : +972-3-5405697
iCQ : 28586277
Mail: Jonathan@tdek.org
Mail: Jon@zilzul.com
Mail: Jon@2jk.org

Quiquid latine dictum sit,altum viditur

--
---
Jonathan Joseph Klinger
Tel : +972-52-3436436
Fax : +972-3-5405697
iCQ : 28586277
Mail: Jonathan@tdek.org
Mail: Jon@zilzul.com
Mail: Jon@2jk.org

Quiquid latine dictum sit,altum viditur

Jonathan Joseph Klinger

Posted by jk at 03:05 PM | Comments (0)

July 04, 2004

Gan Shula Newsletter

Table of Contextual Relations:
------------------------------
(1) Foreplay
(2) Interplay
(3) Postplay
(4) Epilogue
(5) Dialogue
(7) Monologue
(8) Epitaph

Foreplay
--------
Well, I know, i've been bad, i haven't written in all so long [i know
you guys are happy about it, but keeping it real]; so it's my final
examination period, and in the meanwhile it seems that i'll be staying in israel for the next few years, bartending and practicing law to earn some extra income. i do need a place for my internship, since being a lazy ass i haven't gotten to it yet. anyways, that's it - got 3 more weeks and then i'm officially a law bachelor, who'd believe that the day will come? In a year or so - "Adv. Jonathan Joseph Klinger, LLB."....

Interplay
---------
So Lior and I Broke up two weeks ago (yeah, i know she's reading these lines as well, so i'll be moderate and tepid). so i'm back in the singles market, and what a market it is - it feels like a meat market when everyone always talks about one thing; the only thing in their minds, and i got it - it's not sex - it's loneliness. everyone are afraid of being alone, not the sex, not the love - it's the feeling that you crawl back in your bed and have no one to think of, that's what they all miss. And what about me, you ponder? I feel better alone, since i know that being lonely is not a bad thing; the problem is that i do miss the love, the sex, everything around it, and i do miss her - but that's between us (LOL)...

Postplay
--------
So i have my big exam on Wednesday, Evidence Law, and it seems like it is going to be a big failure, having played with my new SonyEricsson P900 all weekend long, and studied for my two examinations tomorrow (i do have another one on monday); so i guess that it is au revoir bachelors... anyways, i was in one interview for an internship this week where the Partner asked me - "how come you have 67 in property law" and i answered really nicely with my known answer "I think that this entire private law section is redundant, it's all banks, insurance companies, construction companies and governmental authorities, where are the citizens?" so anyways, i think that i'll need to find a better place.

Epilogue
---------
I'm getting my new toy tomorrow (hopefully) it should replace my Ex;
it's a HP/NC4000 with a 1.6GHz Centrino, 60GB 7200RPM HD, 512DDRam and a 12.1" screen; so it can do most of what she did, just except the part where it can't hold your hand when your lonely. and you know, there should be a day when computers will help you get chicks, just like cars. (most) Girls don't know shit about cars, and still, they are attracted automatically to guys in fast cars, or something like that. well, i'm waiting for the day when a girl comes and asks "Is that a wireless/g adapter you're holding?" and then i can take her for a drink...

Dialogue
---------
I think that the things in my life are getting smaller - at least in the last 3-4 years. at first, my Hyundai Atos was a small car, and now - i got the even smaller Smart, then my CellPhone which is in a constant decrease of weight and size (if you disregard my current SE P900 - which is a bit bigger); my Discman changed to the Sony MD MZ30, then to the MZ90 and now my MP3 Player weighs 30 grams; then there's my apartment - which is smaller then the room in my parents house, but bigger than the one i had in Hertzlia (the first one). you see - size doesn't matter - or does it?

Monologue
-----------
Check out FAZ this week to see my latest article (soon to be published) on the privatization of religion; it is set to be a big project that i want to work on, but nevermind. anyways, i think that this is it for this week

Epitath
--------
The following messages go out to everyone out there:
(1) Next week - Jerusalem film festival
(2) "Jazz BaYam Hadom"
(3) Please help me with my latest problems, reply, be in touch
(4) Ronna - Since i'm going to be in jerusalem, i think that it a good time to meet your B/F- after a year and a half in which it just didn't get there...

And i shall End with the words of Benjamin Franklin to celebrate the United Statian Day of Independence...
"Rebellion against tyrants is obedience to God."

--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

"Not until a machine can write a Bonnet or compose a concerto because of
thoughts and emotions felt, and not by the chance fall of symbols, could
we agree that machine equals brain-that is, not only write it but know
that it had written it. No mechanism could feel (and not merely
artificially signal, an easy contrivance) pleasure at its successes,
grief when its valves fuse, be warmed by flattery, be made miserable by
its mistakes, be charmed by sex, be angry or depressed when it cannot
get what it wants."
Professor Jefferson's Lister Oration for 1949

Posted by jk at 10:07 PM | Comments (0)

June 15, 2004

Gan Shula Newsletter

Well, Keeping it short.

University stuff
----------------
I always said that being rejected by the best is the way to live (wow to all my exes who are reading right now) so here's a short update from myself... first of all, i was rejected by Oxford and Cambridge, meaning that if i'm not good enough for them, i may be good enough for their places. that's my logic. i'm still waiting to hear from edignburgh, but from day to day i feel that it's a wild goose chase, no real chance getting accepted there. but nevermind. So, well, i got accepted to Haifa Uni for M.A/Ph.D in philosophy; all i have to do is waste one year of my life for an internship and to complete something like 20 hours of courses and afterwartds i can be a fully pledged student there.

Graduation Party
-----------------
As much as reichmann is prestigious, i think that they will not hold a prom like most B-Type american college movies, so i'm hosting a graduation party this friday at my domain, all incomes are meant to be used to pay for my tuition next year (it's free, but contributions are welcome). as this mail is intended only to my friends and people i can rely on, please let me know how will you help with the party, will you bartend, will you help with something else. what are you bringing et cetera.

Summer
------
It's getting to hot for me in here, please let me know what to do.

Anyways, that's it for today, i have some issues to take care of. I'm sorry (or am i?) for not writing that often, i just have other stuff to do.

--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

Posted by jk at 10:59 AM | Comments (0)

April 03, 2004

Gan Shula Newsletter

Passover
--------
Well, first of all, happy passover to you all, hope you are enjoying yourself in this time of year (i certainly know who does and who doesn't) and i want to see you all in Yom-Haatzmaout in a party that we will hold. I wish you all you ever wanted except illegal things, since they are bad. and when you are all reading "Ma Nishtana" remember that it could be worse, you could be saying "nothing". i think that most people i know evolved this year, didn't they?

Phone
-----
Well, this is the only way i can let people know about it - I am currently in Costa-Rica, on business and other matters, and there is no reception here, actually neither Cellcom nor Orange have a roaming agreement. so for the next week or so i will be unavailable for phone calls, smss, faxes or cybersex. however, my internet connection will be available, so you can either mail or icq me. Please don't nag or spam.

Master of Puppets
-----------------
Well, i sent my admissions form for my Masters (and hopefully Ph.D) to 5 universities: Oxford, Edinburgh, Cambridge, Tel Aviv and Haifa, hoping to get accepted to one of the first three, and then trying to get money to pay for it, but nevermind - i will in the end someway finance it, sell a kidney or something - you know... this concluded a month and a half in which i was detached from reality since i needed to write a seminary assignment on the right for Civil Disobedience in the extreme right in israel. if any one wants me to send him the assignment, i'd love it.

Ambassador of Good Will
-----------------------
Well, besides the really needed work here, i took upon myself another job, i am going to bring tourist to israel, so i am convincing people to come to israel, my stupid act of zionism; so please give me reasons to come to israel so i can explain other people.

Well, i only did write this to say happy passover, so i quit.

--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

Michael Reggev's Reply to my message

---Disclaimer---
You are receiving this reply becausee you wrote to me, as one who may be interested in your babbling. should you want to stop getting these replies, you should either stop writing, or at least tell me so. Doing the first will be considered offensive. If you're unhappy with my paragraph-to-paragraph style of reply, tough.
---Disclaimer---

Passover
--------
We wish you a merry passover, wish you a merry easter, wish you a merry pasqua, or whatever way you want to call it...
things are indeed different for me this passover in comparrison to earlier ones, and the concept of "latzet meavdut lejeyrut" is dawning on me. on the other hand, passover also marks for me memmories of death, both of family (my grandma died around this time of year) and of friends (when did you say the anniversary of Mike's Place? also, I don't know if you knew the guy, but if you did, you should know that Itai Ekstein is no more). It's tourbulent, but in the overall i think we are slowly progressing to a better world, and hope still has a home with me.

Phone
-----
what do you mean, you're unavailable for cybersex?! but i thought we had a date for after the seder! ;) j/k... knock yourself out in costa rica, and try to get some 'rica's on behalf of us all...

Master of Puppets
-----------------
good luck with the universities, as well as with financing yourself. i'd very much like to read your assignment, i just hope there'll be enough room in my inbox for it... :)

Ambassador of Good Will
-----------------------
besides praising our hot weather, and reminding them of the historical sites (lowest dry land on earth, birthplace of their lord and saviour, that kinda shit), you could also point out that it's one of the safest places on earth... yeah, you heard me, one of the safest. with security guards at the entrance to each kiosk, israel has one of the lowest crime rates out there. annoying, and true for all the wrong reasons, but still true. to this you could add the fact that with the bad press the place has been getting, tour packages should be available at low low prices.
as the saying goes, meaz yatza matok...

--
m.

- "Pka!"
William T. Cock's summation for 1999 - 2003

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Posted by jk at 06:54 PM | Comments (0)

March 04, 2004

Gan Shula Newsletter

Foreplay
--------
Well, I went to see this show this week, it's called 'In A Dark Dark Land'; Totally psyched. i liked it (Ayelet - 10x) and i hope you all have some culture in your lives nowadays, the whole point of this is that i think that nowadays the secular religion (art) is underestimated and we should once in every few weeks commit an act of faith.

Governmental Ethics
-------------------
I have my first meeting of the "Governmental Ethics" committee on sunday, and i'm 'Exited' as hell, I will have to force myself into getting enough force to go against the ones i appreciate and talk about most of the corruption in Ramat Hasharon, which is hard. All the way you go and say, "Well, I wanna be in politics in order to influence" and then, once you get to know these people, well, i donnu, I feel that it's my DUTY to go against the ones who govern and state what i think is wrong. so, i donnu, i might just will.

Costa-Rica
----------
Have to fly there next month, well, for work related issues. again, If any one is in the area, i'd love to host him (i know it's only 5 hours from Brazil, 10 from New Zealand and 2 from LA) so please be nice and join me; once you get there, i believe that i can say that you're more than invited to sleep in my hotel room and go do whatever you want.

Master of Puppets
-----------------
Well, i bought the registration kits for both Tel-Aviv and Haifa in order to get myself in there; don't know why, don't know how, it's just so strange, that for the first time in my life, i find myself so close to my Bachelor degree and yet so far away from adulthood, i thought that these four years would help me mature, and i found that they didn't; i'm so different from what i was 4 years ago, yet i am so distant from adulthood. Well, when my parents were my age, i was already 5 years old, when my mom got her LLB i already knew how to read and write, already started to express my opinions, and i don't know. i can't find myself in that situation. I don't know why, i just don't see myself settling down (maybe not.) and holding myself in a 9-5 job for the rest of my life.

Party's Party
-------------
Went to the Yachad Party's Party, got everyone intoxicated (acted as bartender); now i don't know whether everyone hates me cause they had to vomit in the toilet so much or love me cause they got so upside down that they can't tell left from right (go and settle in the occupied territories ppl...) the funny thing was that i learned that not all that glitters is gold (or blond) and that you can't always heal with time; my legs were injured for two days (i was bear foot and they broke glass there) and i had pieces of glass in my feet for two days.

Moral Question:
---------------
This newsletter ends with a Moral Question - let me know what you think (first prize is the heavenly kingdom):

Can life be all too perfect where you can have it all; is it enough?

The reason that i'm asking it will be revealed.

My personal opinion is that one can't have everything in life, since it will make him sinful; once must still have goals. let me know what you think.

--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

Michael Reggev's Reply to My Newsletter

as is my tradition, i shall answer you paragraph by paragraph...

Fiveplay (thank dog i´m dyslexic)
-----------
i tried to think when i´ve last gone for a good show or a good movie (stress the good)... the results were disheartening. maybe my innerself isn't liberated enough, but i've been getting kinda numb inside. i'm actually gonna do something about this in the near future - but more on that later.
don't call art the secular religion. it is a definition i quite dislike, for several reasons. it implies that art cannot be non-secular. it implies that try though we may, even those of us who are more enlightened cannot escape the opiate of the masses. it's a bad connotation for religion, for art, and for secularity.

Municipal Committees
-----------------------------
well, i don't know if it's behind you or before you, but if governmental ethics is anything like environment, here are a few tips:
make sure you know what you want changed.
make sure you listen to the others while keeping quiet, rather than becoming a part of the arguments.
when you can't bare it any longer, find the middle ground between the two sides that are saying the exact same thing, and turn it into a resolution. make sure you vote on it and that it's entered in the protocol.
having established yourself as a peacemaker and as a serious young chap (as opposed to the collection of old farts), present your points clearly, in factual form, and try to turn them into resolutions if possible.
silence you phone for the duration of the discussion and answer it only if you must.
when it seems like everyone has had their say and you've met all your objectives - pass a resolution to adjurn.
the results of the only meeting so far of the environmental committee:
1. "this committee calls on the municipal board to allocate the resources neccessary to train the workers and inhabitants of the municipality on the values of sustainability and citizen participation", proposed by yours truly, accepted unanimously.
2. the creation of three subcommittees.

Tel Aviv
----------
the time has come, my little friends, to talk of many things - of bees and birds and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings... or rather, of leaving home. yes, the lot has been cast, and in the near future i'll be leaving the villa for a humbler abode in the big city. i suppose i'll throw a house-warming party at some point, so you can expect an invite. enjoy costa rica.

Muppets
-----------------
yes, you're going through a serious phase... though it's hard to imagine, you will find a nomal job that'll keep your interest, for a while, and will allow you your other hobbies in spite of everything. when our parents were our age, the world was quite different to the way it is now, and our israeli microcosmos more so. don't try to measure yourself by comparing yourself to them (they can do that for you better than you ever will) - trust in yourself to know what's allowing you a better life, and for fuck sake, even if you grow into a well adjusted yuppie, don't lose the child inside. (qkumba zoo reference (; )

purim parties
-----------------
okay, so i decided to go by first come - first served on the parties this purim. it cost me your party and the party's party, but it got me to a birthday+purim party of a friend in macabim (a lot of good people whom i haven't seen in a long time), and to a party in an apartment in tel aviv (lots of alcohol and when the evening ended, i had to share a sleeping bag with a cutie from haifa... poor me).
note to the wise - when going to parties like these, wear sandals at the very least.

practical answer
---------------------
i'm sorry, but i do not think your question is relevant. your premise is an empty set. one cannot have everything in life, because that would cause a paradox. the funny thing is that i encountered this at a judaism class in bar iran: how can god be infinite and limitless (thus uniform), while the world is finite, both contained and surrounded by god. this paradox is the one a believer must embrace. i maintain my agnosticity, and claim that life can simultaniously be all too perfect and not all too perfect where you can have it all.

hasta el Martes,
mrg

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Posted by jk at 09:08 PM | Comments (0)

February 28, 2004

Gan Shula Newsletter

Contents in the rear view mirror may seem closer than they appear
-----------------------------------------------------------------
(i) 10 Years of Struggle
(ii) Purim Party
(iii) School Starts, Again
(poison iv) Recorded Demo
(v) Pictures from the party
(vi) Sex Life?
(vii) Sex on The Beach?
(viii) Regards

10 Years of Struggle
--------------------
Well, I've been a Vegetarian for around 10 years, and i see that i have not succeeded with making any changes, except in the macro area, just being a veggie, without any experience in ruining labs, freeing animals and etc, so today i have made some decisions. I finally understood how my Vegetarianism stands with my Creed, i don't know if it is in purpose or it isn't it's just that way - i am a vegetarian since i do not believe in using force in order to subject your will on someone/something else. therefore, i have decided that my silent and non violent protest will continue with more publicity, just so that all of you will understand the connection, please read my next article at FAZ (after the one that will be posted tomorrow - since it's already being edited). i'm going to write about the reasons to understand us, the veggies. moreover, i had decided that i'm gradually moving to extreme veganism, since i cannot face the moral and ethical consequences of abusing and applying force on innocent beings.

Purim Party
-----------
On other matters, This coming friday i shall hold a party to celebrate Purim, the general theme is addictions. every person is requested to bring whatever he feels that is needed in order to make the party work and to dress as his favorite addiction. the party is "open source" and free of charge.

School Starts, Again
--------------------
But only on wednesday... yes, that is true, i don't have to go to school till wednesday, i am free (in a relative manner) so i am abusing the time to sit on the beach, surf the internet and, of course, read and write for my seminary assignment. i have to write about the right of the religious right in israel to reject the law when it is in contradiction with their religion. if anyone has some material, let me know - i'm lost, and after reading 1200 pages already (and only writing 15) i got to many conclusions, some of them are very very paranoid. we are dealing with extremists.

Recorded Demo
-------------
Got all the studio equipment working in my house and i'm now in the beginning of recording my album, the band (me, myself and i) will be called "The Rest" and we (i) are (am) doing Rock (ahhhm, you may call it melancholic funk if you insist). i recorded a demo to check out the gear at my house, you can find it at:
http://www.zilzul.com/Pics/Jonathan%20Klinger%20-%20Lama%20At.mp3
I hope you like it, it's something i've written a while ago and now i'm looking for people to come and record with me, need people that play on everything and people that sing.

Pictures from the party
-----------------------
Are also to be found at Http://www.zilzul.com/Pics , i think that you all should look before considering NOT COMING to this party. there will be a camera crew.

Sex Life?
---------
People, i realized the problem i have (or not really) - it's not that i am alone, it's that all of you are either together with someone or looking for being together with someone, that's the whole thing, if you'd just stop it everyone would be happy.

Sex on The Beach?
-----------------
Well, these sunny days just made me want to go out of the house and get to the beach, so i did, this afternoon (well, i just took off most of my clothes and decided to take a walk, the only problem was that there were too many people on the beach (around 5) so i decided to walk back home and do it another time); anyways, you're more than invited to join me and come over for a swim, it's the most beautiful shore, and all of you know that.

Regards
-------
(1) Keren, Ron, Bon Jovi - Happy Birthday
(2) Nelly - Congratulations on getting your email back (?)
(3) Yoav (Shivak) - Good luck with Nezikin.

Anyways, gotta get back to my books
--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

Posted by jk at 06:06 PM | Comments (0)

January 31, 2004

Gan Shula Newsletter

Caution, Contents may be hot.
-----------------------------
(1) Life Death and Other Threatening Situations (Summary of the whole newsletter)
(2) Alas, Failure
(3) Party (i) - Avia's Summer?
(4) Party (ii) - Redemption of a Promiscuous Mind
(5) Party (iii) - Reincarnation
(6) Party (iv) - Downfall
(7) Party (v) - Down in a hole
(8) Afterparty - Epilogue
(9) Dialog with God.
(10) what the Faz?

Life Death and Other Threatening Situations.
--------------------------------------------
So, i moved, finally, have a place i can call home, after so many years, my head had rested in a place so calm, so relaxing, so far away from civilization. Summary: (1) Wasn't accepted to the amsterdam conference. nevermind (2) Had a party, lots of people, lost to alcohol, woke up cleaned everything. (3) Pondering regarding the meaning of life. If you want you can read everything...

Alas, Failure
-------------
Well, it all started three weeks ago when i sent my application letter to the YiFC, the conference in Amsterdam for 2 weeks. It was supposed to be great, but i'll never know - I was rejected. too bad, well, i can go there sometime else. Anyways, it's always good to be rejected by the best, that's what i say. (all my exes say Yo-Wow).

Party (i) - Avia's Summer?
--------------------------
Well, it was friday, 21:38, and i sat with Saar drinking Absinthe, not knowing what will be in a few hours, and i said "well, no one is coming, it's like Avia's Summer" (the story.). so i thing that i was wrong. in an hour and a half, there were so many people, i just don't remember who was and what was. i'll explain...

Party (ii) - Redemption of a Promiscuous Mind
---------------------------------------------
Well, My parents arrived and started to criticize my house. of course, that's obvious, never let your parents into your life. as a wise man said "A parent is not a friend, you should be aware". I put a big tent all over the yard, so that it wouldn't rain on the people. I expected rain, but it didn't come; i don't know whether it is good or bad. while putting up the Tent you could say i learned one thing - "A Chain is only as strong as it's weakest link". but the good thing is the satisfaction of building something yourself. i thought "If you build it, they will come".

(5) Party (iii) - Reincarnation
--------------------------------
So i built it, and they did come, by the dozens. "Too many happy faces", i thought to myself, and went for another drink. I'll stop for a short comic relief here to explain something. Well, last saturday i went to the bookstore, and the cashier there was nice (Cashier - Girl who sits at the register in the bookstore, not guy). so i gave her my phone number, and we started to chat via SMS, so i invited her - without any real intention of dating her. nevermind, it's all in the head. So there were a lot of people i thought i hadn't seen in a while, and it was a good feeling.

(6) Party (iv) - Downfall
-------------------------
Well, i took pictures through most of the party, and all of them would be on ILHOST later on this week. through these pictures i realized what had happened - I had been dead drunk. i drank too much and fainted sometime between 00:47 and 01:17, since the picture taken at 00:47 was ok, and the one from 01:17 was full of unclarity. I had thrown up so many times (at least that's what i was told) and i had offered several girls to stay for intercourse (again, that's what i was told).

(7) Party (v) - Down in a hole
------------------------------
At 03:47 i had woken up, only to see my domain tarnished with mud, beer and dead bodies. there were still several people that danced, and i had this sick feeling. some person bit me for no reason (or no known reason) and i had this itch, similar to pain, but not known to me.

(8) Afterparty - Epilogue
-------------------------
Yoav and Ayelet had stayed to sleep. Yoav, promising to wake up at six to surf the waves, woke us up at 10, after sleeping through the morning. we cleaned the house up, had a good time playing music, that's it. i enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the party. isn't it ironic? well, the moral of the story is that you're all invited to come over, just not all at once.

(9) Dialog with God.
-----------------------
During the morning, we cleaned up and removed the tent. in the middle i had this weired feeling, i had started to see yellow stains of everything, all moving, all floating. the yellow stains had gotten over me. that's what i told Ayelet as well. Anyways, started to talk to god somewhere in the middle. he didn't answer. Agnosia at its best.

(10) what the Faz?
------------------
Started to write a column for FAZ, (www.faz.co.il) called 'Notes to the Wall', i'd appreciate if you start to visit and write your comments.

Mixed Feelings,
--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

Posted by jk at 07:20 PM | Comments (0)

January 09, 2004

Gan Shula Newsletter

Follow my way, I might be contagious.
-------------------------------------------------
i Miscompassion
ii Hyperactive Powerboy
iii Humanoid and Sugar Free
iv Poisonous?
v Sunburn and the Mysterious Lifeline
vi Preaching to the Choir
vii Moving? Just keep on...
viii The Angels get a better view
ix It's only in my head
x Isn't that the way everybody's got to do?

Miscompassion
-------------
Deepest sympathies to everyone who, like me, were alone at New Years eve; and moreover, larger lagers for the ones who were with ones who they wish they hadn't been with. May all of us rejoice with the one we concur phantasms on later on in our lives, in the mean while let's all share our miscompassion to each other.

Hyperactive Powerboy
--------------------
...And before we talk of any repentance, try walking in my shoes (Depeche Mode)
Last friday (actually exactly a week ago) I had the regular friday eve dinner with my family, the only real difference was the fact that Omri, my cousin, had gotten his driver's permit, and needed an accomplice (or should i say accompanying driver). He has this hobby, called SnowBoarding, who he favors, so i was convinced to tag along with him to Mt. Hermon early morning and take part at such activity, I queried my Guy 'Mudad'ib' Schwartz to assist and get a ride, being such an active wintersports man; he agreed. What was set is that we pick Omri up at 05:00 and start our escalation towards Mt. Hermon.

Humanoid and Sugar Free
-----------------------
First things First, we had to go out on friday night, since without the joy of drinking, there is no essence for life. we went to the new 'Temple Bar' located at the Cinema City of Gelilot, in expectance of filling our livers with several percentages of Alcohol. Behind the bar stood Yael, a nice Bartender who also tends at the 'Cats'; I ordered my Guinness (+ Johnny Walker Chaser) and continued on drinking with several other drinks (Hoegarden Grand Cru (330ml, 8.7%), Famous Grouse (50ml, 43%), and a few other freebies from Yael) and we got back home around 01:25.

Sunburn and the Mysterious Lifeline
-----------------------------------
The time was now half past eight in the morning, we had already finished our long journey to the mountains of the north, arriving to the Hermon Mountain. I had stood in tremendous lines waiting for my gear, which i had to rent, costing me a total of around 400 Nis. but all was well, i had my Snowboard, had my Baggie Jeans and went to the frost. unexpectablly, it was not as cold as i expected, i believe it was around 4c above freezing point, so i stood there, barefoot in the snow, without a coat or jacket, looking at everyone and still having the taste of whisky in my mouth.

Poisonous?
----------
The time was 04:17, a mere 30 seconds following my departure from the shower, my phone rang, it was Guy. he had fallen sick from the alcohol consumption of last night, and said that he would not be able to attend the joycefull phantasm of Snowboarding, i had to depart on this journey alone, to assist my clan member with his quest for snow. i shall call this quest "SnowQuest". i had asked Oran, the faithful Thalaron, to take my to Guy's domain, where my Car had rested through the night, and so he did, which rewarded him that night with 1Kg of Baclawe.

Preaching to the Choir
----------------------
It took me around two hours to understand what am i to do with this vehicle, however, once i got to it, it was all fun and games (except the falls, which i got used to). the ride back was fun as well, but it seems too boring to discuss.

Moving? Just keep on...
-----------------------
Tomorrow i'm finally starting my moving to Cesaria, the first step is painting the house, that should take me half the day. i believe that around feb 3rd (the date of my supposed coming to life) i shall hold a party. Besides that, if you want to come and help, i'd appreciate it.

The Angels get a better view
-----------------------------
Maria says she's dying, i say i`m starting my life. Strange thing, my parents were in a vacation at St. Anton's up in Austria, and had dinner with the Princess of Lichtenstein, so my first question was whether she had any daughters my age, the response was yes, so i queried regarding their resentment of eating flesh, which was true. so i`m going there on February sometime (maybe) to meet her, who knows, dating a soon to be Princess may look good on my resume.

It's only in my head
--------------------
'Do you think that you're were dreaming? i said sometimes i don't know' (Adam Duritz).
Well, i don't know if you noticed or not, but my life is getting more and more hallucigenic; next week there's this Shpongle concert in israel, and i want you all to attend, so we can have lots of fun. I actually see myself living in a very strange fantasy world, it's all like the sky are black and brown, nothing special, it's just the detached feeling from everything. well, the thing was, that Oren asked me what to get me for my Birthday, like every year. this year i had no answer. all the previous years i had three wishes, A Guitar (that after saving money for more than 3 years, i was able to buy), World Peace (which i thing i'm on the right track of getting) and an active Sex Life (which currently i don't know whether i have or not, but i don't think that's exactly what i looked for). I got to the point in my life that i have all the materialistic things i need. Ayelet put it best when she said that the lack of love in my life is only because i have everything else. so i don't know. you just can't have it all. Karma.

Isn't that the way everybody's got to do?
-----------------------------------------
This is the point for personal messages:
(1) Eyal - Mazal tov for the wedding.
(2) Saar - Thanks
(3) Maya_Lan - hope you're having fun, send me pics of everything
(4) Maya_Rosenthal - let me know what's going on in your life
(5) Any one interested in helping in the Moadonit is more than welcome. we need you people.
(6) I am getting rid of a lot of stuff when i`m moving out, let me know if you want something that i have, i might be dismissing it.

Hasta la victoria siempre.

--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

Posted by jk at 10:30 PM | Comments (0)

December 17, 2003

Gan Shula Newsletter

So Should I Shut Up?
--------------------
i Knock on Wood
ii The Plot Thickens
iii No Business like Show Business
iv Felony, you say?
v Where I Come from we don't do that sort of thing
vi Personal Hi Jeans
vii Farewell
viii Aftermath

Knock on Wood
-------------
Well, the last time i wrote you guys i was sitting in an airport in Geneva, getting back from the whole Geneva Accord thingie; and i thought that everything will be just fine. they called my name and i shut the computer down and went on the plane. however, i was to blind to see all the fog the surrounded the plane, that prevented it from taking off for an Hour. the time was 0730, my flight from Zurich to Tel-Aviv was leaving at 0955, i believed that there was time, to be certain i asked the flight attendant (Flying Waitress) whether we will be leaving soon, and she answered positively.

The Plot Thickens
-----------------
At 0855, just a few minutes before the boarding started at Zurich, our plane decided to take off. I, Foolishly, believed that it's a 30 Minute flight and that we will make it, having my luggage flown over the next day or something.... at 0910 we were already above Zurich, however, we did not have a time slot to land, so we waited 30 more minutes above the airport. I Believed that i will make it. i can do it! we landed at 0951 and i ran as fast as i can, ignoring all security to make it to my flight. The flight left without me and my luggage. I went to the Counter as fast as i can and told them that i had to give a lecture in my School at 1900 that day, and if i won't make it i won't get my degree (which was half true, i only needed to give a lecture) so after blaming the swiss for the holocaust and the vanishing of the entire jewish state, i got a plane ticket for the 1245 ElAl flight to Tel Aviv, that will be there at 1745.

No Business like Show Business
------------------------------
Got to the ElAl Counter and went through all the stupid security issues, and then queried them regarding two things; First of all, the current location of my luggage, and the estimated time to get compensation from the airline regarding the loss of my beloved Suits, Coat and Presents. Two, the current situation with my Veggie Meal, and the reason for me being famished throughout the flight. both of them were solved. My luggage was lost, and then found just 10 seconds prior to my boarding, which was still in time to get back with me, and my veggie meal was forsaken, and is replaced by a cheap bottle of scotch. I got on the plane and received the 'Best Service' the Israeli national mover has to offer; of course, it wasn't their fault, they were nice, just used to the stereotypical israeli, that isn't as polite as i am.

Felony, you say?
----------------
Landed in Israel and called everyone to assure them that i am coming to the lecture, the time was 1745 and i was headed to the Passport Control. Hadas had just told me that the Airport workers in Custom are striking, and in protest they will check everyone coming in on the green line. I Went to the Biometric sensors, which of course, did not work for me, forcing me to stand in line with the 'normal' people. after passing this obstacle, i had to go take my luggage. as i waited for my luggage, that reluctened to come, i spoke to my Father, giving me a smart idea. Then it happened, i took both bottles of Scotch from my bag and went through the RED line, telling them - 'Hello, I Would like to pay customs for these', and giving them a small shock, 5 Minutes and 98 Nis Later, i was out, looking at the Non-Moving line that stood still for around three hours.

Where I Come from we don't do that sort of thing
------------------------------------------------
It was 1810, and i got to the Parking Lot, after several minutes of waiting for the Bus, that looked like hours. paid for my parking and got out. I drove as fast as i could to School, and eventually got there 5 Minutes prior to class, only to find that Shlomit had betrayed me and sold my lecture out in favor of watching a Fellini movie. i was out voted in class, and sat down to watch the movie. my conclusion - Don't work too hard for other people.

Personal Hi Jeans
-----------------
Well, another interesting thing i did that week was my trip to Kalkilya, but in short - one paragraph. Organized by the Peres Center, we went to listen and look at people living near the separation wall, both israeli and palestinian. met some very nice people, from both sides. the only really interesting thing was this - Well, i woke up very early that day, after a short sleep, so i was in terrible need for my Caffine, but there was none. when we got to the City Hall at Ja'ayus i asked one of the locals whether there's a kitchen where i can make myself a cup of coffee. having him being such a nice person, he decided to take me there and to boil water in order to make traditional Arabic coffee. what both of us forgot was that this is a Palestinian village and that my tour guide and fellow friends are not aware of my absence. 5 short minutes (i guess that for them the minutes seemed forever) i got a call to my cellphone, querying whether i am still alive, i answered that i am making coffee, and that's it, i'll be back in a jiff. Conclusion - Coffee makes people feel closer, drink it often.

Farewell
--------
This is where i am supposed to leave you for this week, but guess what, there's more. next week i will be departing on an israeli tour, so let me know where are you people and where can i meet you. especially the following people: Ron, Yoav, Carmi, Lem.

Aftermath
---------
(1) This friday we will be holding a candle lighting at our house for friends. feel invited to come. call me for more details
(2) Don't look Back in anger
(3) We're moving out in a month so if anyone's interested in our apartment let us know.
(4) Don't drink and drive

Regards
--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

"Not until a machine can write a Bonnet or compose a concerto because of thoughts and emotions felt, and not by the chance fall of symbols, could we agree that machine equals brain-that is, not only write it but know that it had written it. No mechanism could feel (and not merely artificially signal, an easy contrivance) pleasure at its successes, grief when its valves fuse, be warmed by flattery, be made miserable by its mistakes, be charmed by sex, be angry or depressed when it cannot get what it wants."
Professor Jefferson's Lister Oration for 1949

Posted by jk at 07:41 PM | Comments (0)

December 01, 2003

Gan Shula Newsletter

Appendix A: Table of Contents:
------------------------------
(1) The Return of Sarcasm, Coffee II
(2) Geneva Accord - The Full Report
(3) Geneva Accord - How i Got There
(4) Thoughts,
(5) Afterthoughts
(6) Short one, ain't it?

The Return of Sarcasm, Coffee II
--------------------------------
"When Europeans Make Espresso, they just put filter coffee in a small cup, when i make filter coffee, I just put a whole lot of espresso in a big cup".
Think about it, and do what you will

Geneva Accord - The Full Report
------------------------------
Well, I got to Geneva for the whole signing of the peace "treaty" that isn't really a treaty, it was great. I think that most of you guys heard about it, at least in brief, so i won't talk about the ceremony itself, just what i thought about it. Well, Nevermind.....
It began with rough security that reminds me the way the shopping mall is secured, just that this was done by the local police. after i got in without being on the list (i was on the list, just not their list) and convening them that i am invited (though i was) i got through security, whilst others who were not let in stayed and protested by singing "Shalom Peace Salam" outside and drumming. (i actually thought of joining them since it looked promising, where there is a protest and communication, there is a possibility for exposure).

Geneva Accord - How i Got There
------------------------------
Well, I will spare you the long and boring description of who i had to talk to and what i had to do in order to get an invitation. i just have to thank Hadas for her effort in getting me on the list. But the whole thing went kinda strange. on sunday, after reading all the news around and talking with several people, i got to the airport, only to understand that i am on the same flight as the Meretz delegation for Berlin. well, it's the first time i really had someone to entertain me during a flight, so Yippee! but really, nothing special. I got to Geneva at night, took the bus (their system for payment is stupid?!?!) and got to my hotel, put my things down and went for a beer (10CHF == 30Nis for a pint of Guinness, can you believe it?) the next day i succeeded in:
(a) Breaking the strap of my Omega watch
(b) Ignore the basic needs like food and toilet
(c) Figure out that the coat i had brought was not needed (it was only +4c outside)

Thoughts
--------
I think that the best part of the whole ceremony was the f**k ups, including:
(a) Richard Dreyfus called Usama El-Baz (the personal adviser to the King of Morocco) Usama Bin-L (and then figured out what he had done)
(b) Aviv Geffen went on stage with a singer called Dikla (which i personally think was once Dani or Dekel or even Shimon) who f**ked up really bad, and was able to sing a whole song without getting one tone right. good thing that Daniel Solomon was there to cover up.
(c) Met Galia Golan, who i was supposed to attend her class the next morning at 9 o'clock (which is quite now...) and told her that i won't be able to attend the lesson since i am in Geneva. She got my humor.
(d) Actually got my camera back at the end (they didn't allow ppl to take cameras inside since they thought we would wreck the whole think)
(e) Talked to Fools of the Prophecy, which sounded really nice. we should go to one of their concerts.
(f) Succeeded in being at the back of a Channel I interview without noticing, since i was talking to Yassir Abed-Rabu at the same time.

Afterthoughts
-------------
I actually completely forgot to tell you about last week in berlin. At short it was fun, I saw Frank Black (Pixies) Perform and i wrecked both my feet. Met several interesting people, and had sex with none of them. still out of the Mile High Club. soon to join.
The only thing is, that i found out that my newsletter is kinda like a blog, so i donnu, i resent blogs and i don't know whether i should just blog it or shouldn't i. let me know.

Short one, ain't it?
--------------------
But it's since i`m waiting for my flight to board, nothing else.
Notes:
(1) Ron - Couldn't get to ya since i was in Geneva. Next week i will come, i promise (?)
(2) Hadas - Read your letter, I can't get you anything since you didn't tell me what to bring
(3) Maya (Lan) - Hope you have a good time in Thailand, let me know when are you having the Going away party.
(4) Everyone - We will be holding a seminar around February, that will be open to everyone, on the subject of Regional Development. please join

Regards
--
Jonathan J. Klinger
Founder,
Zilzul Ltd.
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jon@zilzul.com
ICQ# : 28586277

Posted by jk at 08:29 AM | Comments (0)

November 08, 2003

Gan Shula Newsletter

Words of Wisdom
---------------
(1) Sand In The Hourglass
(2) WhatToDo?
(3) Back2School
(4) Kill Quentin
(5) Coast2Coaster
(6) All Your Base Are Belong To Us
(7) Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
(8) By The Way
(9) Toilet
(10) 22:35
(11) Next Week?
(12) Things I'll Never Say

Sand In The Hourglass
--------------------------
As you all know, the elections are finally over, and i have some more sand in my hourglass, as i met some lovely people and got to know some things that i didn't know about myself. In the final week of the elections we got to work about 20 Hours a day, but nevermind, it was with good people, and i got to have a joyful time.

WhatToDo?
---------
As now i have more sand in my hourglass, i thought i would be able to do more things, however, that was a big mistake, since i had to get back to work, meaning that the first portion of my day is now taken by the activities regarding Telecom, and my other parts are dedicated to School and the other festivities include (but not only :-/) alcohol, music (and of course, note what's missing...)

Back2School
-----------
Or was school back into me? well, most of the courses i took looked familiar, was it because i had already taken them under different names? what's the big difference between "Public Policy and Decision Making" and "Decision Making under Public Policies"?? don't know, expect a round 100 in that again. however, backing up to school was quite an experience, i got another course with Lior (my Dr.) that involves Sex, Literature and Psychoanalisys (and of course LAW); well, that was good. and i got to have again more time to see more movies, having such a big part of my day in front of a computer, using only my hands and ears and not my eyes. i've decided to abuse every free resource in my body (and my computer) to see as many movies as i can this semester...

Kill Quentin
------------
The first movie i saw this week was "Kill Bill", which S**ked big time, i thought that he at least spent half of the last 4 years on the plot. well, he didn't and the movie was filled with CGi effects, but no story. Same for Bad Boys II - but in 2:30 instead of 1:45, and with funnier jokes; the big surprise of this week was Freddy Vs. Jason, which i saw muted, and sucked big time.

Coast2Coaster
-------------
Woke up this friday, was 07:30, got an SMS from my Mom (in Paris); she said that my kid brother (Dor) was kinda upset and had gotten "Shabat" for something and was not going to Commanding Course; i had to attend a Birth party (new girl) of someone from work, and then go there, got out of bed and bathed. took my car and headed towards tel aviv in traffic. got to the hotel where the party was at, had 3 coffees (1 Instant, 1 Espresso and 1 Cappuccino) and then went out without ppl noticing to my parents house. changed cars and went to pick Zabar to join me on this ride, as i promised to take him to his G/F l8r on that day, instead of taking the train. got to my parents' house by 11 and took the Car, heading to his settlement. got to his house and waiting till he came with the person that sold him his new bike, which we had to take to Modi'in. we took the person to Modi'in and on the way Guy haggled the price of the Accessories he had to buy from. we got to his house and Guy went up to take the things, promising him he will pay him later. we headed to Be'er Sheva and then to my brother's base, while all the way i was nagged by both my parents (separately) and my grandmother, wishing to know what is up with Dor. after driving about 3 Hours, we got to the Egyptian border, and from there headed to his base.

All Your Base Are Belong To Us
------------------------------
We finally got there, and we couldn't get in - but more important, NO ONE KNEW WHERE HE WAS!. i was getting worried, but after some treats offered to the Soldier at the Entrance and other things, we found him and took him to a short walk, where we explained the way of life, and how it F**ks you up big time when you least expect it. we gave him his treats and headed back to the Center, from there heading up north.

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
-------------------------
Guy decided it would be best if we took the road parallel to the Gaza strip and connect to the main road near Ashkelon instead of Be'er Sheva; Being such a peasant in these matters, i agreed. I noticed we were short in Gas, but i figured that there would be some stations on the way. 50 Km later, the Gas light turned on and i realized that not only we were going twice the legal speed (180 Km/Hr) we were REALLY short in gas and won't be able to make it anywhere, while we would be stuck there forever, since NO ONE GOES THIS WAY!. after going 50 Km more, we found a gas station; you know how it is in the real world, where the Diesel is discounted by 70 - 90 Agorot for each liter, well, down there it wasn't, and i found myself paying 300Nis for 80 Liters of Diesel. but it was okay, we were able to make it up to Guy's girlfriend's Kibbutz, up north.

By The Way
----------
I really needed to piss, and the odometer was around 700Km from our start point. we stopped to Pick Daphna up with us, so i would have company when i go back from the Kibbutz (1Hr from Glilot). i forgot about it. When we reached the interchange at Zichron, i really needed to piss, but nevermind. we got to Ayelet (Guy's G/F) around 19:40, which was 40 Minutes after picking Daphna up, and had dinner. Of course i had to question her parents regarding all the food cause of my vegetarianism and stuff, but nevermind. then we sat for Coffee (hadn't had coffee since guy and i stopped in a gas station at 14:30, so it was much needed), went out for a smoke with Daphna and then.

Toilet
------
Not in the entire history of mankind was an exit of fluids from the human body so fulfilling, i had not attended the ritual of Pissing since 08:00 and this was relieving. nevermind, we headed back home.

22:35
-----
It took us exactly 35 Mins to drive back (please note the incredible speeds of that day and mind that i attempted not to break any law) and i went to take a long bath, then Pizza meter, and the the Satchmo, a regular friday if you forget the fact that i drove a 1000Km that day.

Next Week?
----------
I`m off to Berlin, from wednesday till monday, hope to have a good time, if any one wants to join, the hotel is on me...

Things I'll Never Say
---------------------
(1) Ron - are you back here? if so, ring....
(2) Sharon - hope you enjoy it in NZ for the meanwhile, be in touch
(3) Lem - Wanted to visit you when i was in Be'er Sheva, didn't answer, let me know if you're alive

Regards
--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

Posted by jk at 04:40 PM | Comments (0)

September 23, 2003

Gan Shula Newsletter

Table Of Contents
-----------------
(1) Afterthoughts
(2) How it Began
(3) The wheels keep Rolling
(4) Introducing.......
(5) Nishbar, Gala Gala
(6) From Dusk Till Dawn
(7) Does it Come in Pink?
Kalinka Mia
(6) Public Intoxication
(7) Good Will Hunting

Afterthoughts
-------------
Well, before i even start to tell you what has been through me in the last couple of days, I'll just tell you what i feel right now; it seems more important. It feels so strange to go around at the street and not to look behind your shoulder for the security people, it so strange to drive in the street without police escort, and it is really strange to have to stop at red lights. It seems that after just two days of living as a celebrity, i got used to the idea. i can't help it...

How it Began
------------
Well, Shimon Peres decided to have an 80th birthday party, a big celebration and they wanted some volunteers; of course i decided to go, with the help of Shlomit, who promised me it would be fun. I got assigned to assist two people, Mr. Rau (the president of the federal republic of Germany) and Mr. Piech (owner of Porsche and chairman of Volkswagen or something like that).

The wheels keep Rolling
-----------------------
I had to be at the Dan Hotel at Tel-Aviv on sunday, 08:00 for briefing. i found my first person, Mr. Piech, which didn't seem to need much of my help, so i left him with his friends and started to mingle until the other person i need to escort came. The first event was the laying of a corner stone for the Peres Center for Peace building. it's located in Jaffa in front of the Sea, with one of the best views in Israel. now these thoughts came to my head... this place is so good, why was it left barren until now, and then, after looking to my left, i saw that it has an old muslim burial ground next to it, and the conclusion followed, it was one too, and like the old muslim tradition, after a 100 years you can build on it. expect something strange to go there...

Introducing.......
------------------
After the corner stone ceremony there were some other things to do, a board members meeting of the Peres board of governors and other stuff, but i decided to go to Jerusalem to meet my President and the Israeli president. i hopped on the bus, followed by security and many other businessman and politicians. We were on the Way to Mr. Katzav, two students and fifty old people all with ambitions for Politics. the cocktail started around 17:00 and was due to end around 18:00 so we can get back to the Gala dinner. during this cocktail (which i believe was my 7th of that day) i met a few presidents of several countries that i believe to be of great importance, the most important one was Rau, that didn't seem to need all of my Attention.

Nishbar - Gala Gala
-------------------
After our visit to Mr. Katzav, we went to the Mann Auditorium in Tel Aviv (better known as "Heichal Hatarbout") for the Gala evening in honor of Mr. Peres (Shimi); attendants and participants: William J. Clinton, Ariel Sharon, Sharon Ayalon & Yoav, Rita & Rami, My Mom, several other presidents and nevermind.... the good thing about it was that i got to sit at the first row. the funny thing that night was something like this: i was walking with one of the other students accompanying me, a blonde girl originating from the former republic known as the soviet union. we talked and i told her that i have a ticket for the party that will be held later that night and she asked me how did i get my ticket, i laughed and told her that i have a talent to swallow semen; the reply i got was even funnier, she said that she does too, so i told her that we should get together sometime and check it (way2go!!!) and the reply i got from her was somewhat indicating of her stupid origin. she said "The last guy who got that privilege was 1000 times more a man than you" so i asked who it was... her answer is written in the form of a multiple choice one, try to guess who she talked about, i'll supply the answer at the bottom of the Email.
(A) Shimon Peres
(B) Bibi Nethanyahu
(C) Haim Revivo
(D) Dudu Topaz.

From Dusk Till Dawn
-------------------
The Gala evening ended around 23:00 and i was due to go out before all the security, join Mr. Rau and move to the party of Mr. Meiman, but, i didn't get to do that, i had to try and force myself on one of the buses but in the end i quit and went to the cats for a drink. i drank some Alc and went home, cause i had to wake up at 05:30 cause i needed to be back in the hotel at 07:00. the funny thing is that when i got to the hotel at 06:48 it was so empty, cause every one was still asleep from last night. around 08:30 everything came into life and we went to a panel at the Tel Aviv University.

Does it Come in Pink?
---------------------
There were 4 panels at the conference and i was supposed to attend all of them, instead i mingled and talked to several people that were interesting and made some good contacts in the israeli and global politics. the other thing i did that made me laugh all day was to escort the groups of children that were there from different schools and make them admire me.. i even got a picture with two little girls (18 or something) nevermind.

Kalinka Mia
-----------
After the conference, we had a party to celebrate the fact that there is no more work to do in reference to Peres, so we all started to dance, then Peres and Gorbachev started their speeches and afterwards came the interesting part, Gorbachev and Peres started to sing old Russian folk songs (Kalinka Mia and stuff) and were joined by an Arabic Drummer. you can say that you never had fun until you saw two people that are over 80 sing and dance.

Public Intoxication
-------------------
In order to make everyone happier faster, i decided to bring a bottle of vodka or something, so i went up to the lobby and asked them for a bottle, they said i`ll have to pay and i said that there's now problem, and almost took out my credit card when she said "500 Nis not including VAT" and i looked at the 50Nis bottle of smirnoff next to me and laughed... i went back downstairs without the bottle and decided to intoxicate everyone in a different way. i took the priceless bottles of champagne that were there and opened them, started to go through all the people and just force feed them with alcohol. after 5-6 champagne bottles, all the people started to look happier and dance, we kept on dancing until 24:00, then i went home to crash.

Good Will Hunting
-----------------
With all of my good will, i can just say one thing, this was the _Best_ two days of my life and i`ll do it any other day if needed. i love this politics thing. all i need to do now is get into public office

Regards (no messages today)
--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

Posted by jk at 03:26 PM | Comments (0)

September 01, 2003

Gan Shula Newsletter

Content
-------
(1) Is Immortal
(2) Is everything
(3) Is The reason to wake up in the morning
(4) The Next Day
(5) The Question
(6) Credits

Is Immortal
-----------
Well, at least i hope i am, cause tomorrow morning i`ll find out whether i`m going to Guinea in Africa or not, and if so i hope i`m bullet proof. how did it all start, you ponder? well, they freed Liberia (not Lybia) from the Martial Law it was under and now they are setting up a modern state, and now they are looking for importers of Diamonds and to buy electronic equipment, so i donnu, i guess i volunteered to come there.

Is Everything
-------------
To pour some content in my life, the School year started yesterday, and of course, i went to my old high school for a little political propaganda on the first day of school. so i got up at 6 o'clock in the morning just to get to school at 07:30 and find out that all the pupils come 5 minutes before the ring and that i can't actually reach them. got some political propaganda done, and went on to work, the fun part was when i came again at 12:30 and met a few of my old high school teachers, so i saw that 8 years had passed, and they are still with their petite lives and i am all grown up to look down on them (or to admire them for their ability to stand for 10 years in front of classes)

Is The Reason To Wake Up In The Morning
---------------------------------------
Short story, that will be followed by a long introduction: Friday, 11:00, my phone rings, it's Ronna, she says she's lost and can't find what to buy for her B-F, i get out of bed and decide to help. Quick_Shower; no shave, soap, Shampoo, Conditioner, Deodorant, Toothpaste, Tofu Sandwich, OJ; picking her up from Kfar saba. on the way my dear mother calls and asks me if i know about any good parties tonight; i gasp; i ask why, and she acquaints me with a friend that she met at the hairdresser that wants to go to a party; i sigh. i feel flattered and agree to call her that night, just a second before i find out some scary facts: (a) she is 29 (b) she is currently working on her M.Sc of organizational behavior (c) she is 29/// I call her at 21:15 and start to ask whether she is busy or not, she's busy! good..... she said she will call back. (first option for a quick exit). she calls. we schedule for the next day.

The Next Day
------------
We Agree to meet at 21:10 at the Yam Bar in hertzelia, and agree that the first to be there will call the other; prisoner's dilemma; i stop on the way for cash and rob a liqueur store (or just put my card in the ATM) withdraw a 100 bill, and continue. 21:07, my phone rings, i`m already out of my car and on the way to the pub. i stare at the gate, and there she was, not so bad looking, but not my style.

The Question
-------------
The first question that was raised was "what is your purpose in life?" and "why do you wake up in the morning?" both of them were responded poorly and i felt that it wasn't it, i could have cut at that moment. but no, i had to be nice, she's a friend of my mom and stuff. after 2 hours of blabbing, i escorted her to her car and drove off for my cup of beer.

Credits
-------
(1) Anyone coming to the Achziv fest? contact Ayelet for the ticket ordering.
(2) Ron - have a great time in Ireland, do not forget to bring me a whole lot of love
(3) People - start using Zilzul

--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

"Not until a machine can write a Bonnet or compose a concerto because of thoughts and emotions felt, and not by the chance fall of symbols, could we agree that machine equals brain-that is, not only write it but know that it had written it. No mechanism could feel (and not merely artificially signal, an easy contrivance) pleasure at its successes, grief when its valves fuse, be warmed by flattery, be made miserable by its mistakes, be charmed by sex, be angry or depressed when it cannot get what it wants."
Professor Jefferson's Lister Oration for 1949

Posted by jk at 09:22 PM | Comments (0)

August 12, 2003

Gan Shula Newsletter

Chair Of Contents (due to financial difficulties, the table was replaced)
---------
(1) Fifteenth of Father
(2) In Absentia
(3) Elections - More2Cum
(4) Article from Globes (copy-paste) + Hebrew Ver.
(5) Verticallization
(6) MiXn`MatcH
(7) Fade Out (Street Spirit)
(8) Exit Music (For a Film)

Fifteenth of Father
-------------------
Today is the night of TU Be'Av, better known as the fifteenth of father, the day where everybody is so happy that they have love in their lives; how bad can it be for me? (Saar - Comment nelly on the use of a semicolon, and show her where it was used) Well I woke up alone, again, showered and went to work, following a short recess for lunch with Guy Schwartz, a.k.a Muhadib. following the short lunch, in which i succeeded in staining my white Ralph Loren shirt, i went to my first meeting, which was an hour and a half too long. HOW BAD CAN THIS DAY BE? you ask, well, it doesn't sound that big of a deal; however it's the surprising feeling of being alone for the third year consecutively.

In Absentia
-----------
Is actually the current way i want to live my life, not being there and not doing anything, but it won't work, i have a big burden which cannot be lifted off me. Now, for what i wanted to say actually - Please start using our site, we need traffic. it's built well and to last, and we will award most of you with prizes (one of these days) if you participate in the contests. remember - Content-Is-Immortal

Elections - More2Cum
--------------------
The Upcoming municipal elections are getting closer, and the race is tighter; the race is just around the corner and i need your help.
Muchly needed are the following:
(a) Donations
(b) Volunteers
(c) People who want friends in high places and are willing to work for it.
(d) if you won't help me i`ll ban you.

Article from Globes (copy-paste) + Hebrew Ver.
----------------------------------------------
The English announcement will be followed by a Hebrew one

> Israelis advise bidder in $150m Iraq cellular infrastructure tender
> A major European company, represented by TDEK Consulting Associates, is participating at a conference in Amman.
> Uri Rabin 3 Aug 03 17:24
> The US and its coalition partners' civil administration in Iraq is holding a tender to build Iraq's new cellular communications infrastructure. The civil administration convened a conference in Amman, Jordan, for the companies participating in the tender to build three geographically-based cellular networks in Iraq's north, center, and southeast. Each participant must submit bids for at least two regions. The deadline for the bids is August 14.
> One participant is Jonathan Klinger of Israel's TDEK Consulting Associates. "This is a preparation conference for the tender. Scores of businesspeople from all over the world, with a focus on American representatives, are participating," Klinger told "Globes" from the Hyatt Hotel in Amman.
> TDEK is representing a client, who requested not to be named. The tender is for building a cellular infrastructure network and operating it for the first two years. The tender's organizers estimate this will be sufficient time for a full return on the investment. Klinger says the US estimated the cost of each network is $150 million, but said, "This is an underestimate, unless they're talking about a very low-quality network." Commenting on the expected revenue, Klinger said, "An 80% penetration should not be anticipated."
> In addition to accompanying its client in the Iraqi cellular tender, TDEK is negotiating on behalf of Israeli and US clients with Jordanian communications companies, including cellular providers Fastlink and MobilCom, and the main communications provider, Jordan Telecom. "These negotiations are in two parts," said Klinger. "First, installing our clients' technology with these companies, and negotiations with the Jordanian companies interested in Iraq. We see the potential there."
> ישראלי בין המתמודדות במכרז של 150 מיליון דולר לתשתית סלולרית בעיראק
> חברת תקשורת אירופית גדולה, המיוצגת על ידי ת.ד.א.ק המחזיקה יועצים ישראלים, מתמודדת על הקמת התשתית במסגרת כינוס הנערך בעמאן
>
> אורי רבין 31/07/03 14:49
> היום (ה') נערך בירדן כינוס של כל המועמדות להקמת התשתיות הסלולריות החדשות בעיראק. את הכינוס עורכת רשות הפיקוח שהקימו ארה"ב וחברותיה לקואליציה, שמנהלת את המכרז. על הפרק עומדת הקמת שלוש רשתות סלולריות בחלוקה גיאוגרפית (צפון, מרכז ודרום-מזרח), כאשר המתמודדות במכרז מחויבות לגשת למכרזי שני איזורים לפחות. המועד האחרון להגשת ההצעות הינו ה-14 באוגוסט.
>
> בין המשתתפים בכינוס נרשמה גם נציגות ישראלית: יונתן קלינגר, יועץ לענייני טכנולוגיית מידע בת.ד.א.ק (TDEK) ישראל. "מדובר בוועידת הכנה לקראת המכרז, ומשתתפים בה כמה עשרות אנשי עסקים מכל העולם, עם פוקוס לנציגים מארה"ב", דיווח קלינגר ל"גלובס" ממלון הייאט בעמאן.
>
> ת.ד.א.ק מייצגת לקוח שביקש לא להיחשף, אך המכרז מדבר על הקמת תשתית סלולרית ועל תפעול הרשת במשך השנתיים הראשונות. בזמן זה, מעריכים עורכי המכרז, יתקבל החזר מלא של ההשקעה הקמת התשתית. את עלות ההקמה, אומר קלינגר, מעריכים האמריקנים בכ-150 מיליון דולר לכל רשת, ולדבריו "זהו סכום לא הגיוני, כלפי מטה, אלא אם מדובר ברשת מאוד נחותה". לגבי הצד השני של המשוואה, צד ההכנסות, הוא מעריך ש"לא צפויים שיעורי חדירה של 80%".
>
> לאחרונה נשמעה ביקורת קשה כנגד הממשל האמריקני על עריכת המכרז הסלולרי. המבקרים תהו מדוע ממהר הממשל לצייד את העיראקים בטלפון סלולרי, בזמן שמרבית אוכלוסיית עיראק אינה נהנית מאספקה סדירה של מים, חשמל או תרופות, כאשר תשתיות התקשורת הקווית והביוב אינן תקינות וכשלאזרחים עדיין אין תחושה של ביטחון אישי. בלי להיכנס לוויכוח הזה, קלינגר מספר כי מרבית המשתתפים בכינוס דוחפים לכיוון הקמת רשתות בטכנולוגיית GSM. וזאת, למרות ההעדפה האמריקנית להקמת רשת בטכנולוגיית CDMA. כיום פועלות בעיראק ארבע רשתות סלולריות - אחת בבגדד, אחת בבצרה ושתיים באיזורי האוטונומיה הכ�

�רדית - המשרתות יחדיו כ-100 אלף מנויים. הצבא האמריקני נעזר ברשת סלולרית שהקימה עבורו MCI, ואשר משרתת 10,000 קווים. הרשת פועלת בטכנולוגיית GSM.

> "כל רשת קיימת, ניתן להניח, היא מאוד אקסקלוסיבית ופועלת רק באיזורים החשובים. לא היה טעם לפרוש תחנות בסיס בכל עיראק רק בשביל שכבת האליטה, שמנתה כמה אלפים", מסביר קלינגר.
>
> לצד ליווי הלקוח המשתתף במכרז האמריקני בעיראק, מנהלת ת.ד.א.ק מגעים בשם לקוחותיה מישראל ומארה"ב עם חברות תקשורת ירדניות, כגון ספקיות הסלולר מובילקום ופסטלינק, וספקית התקשורת המרכזית ג'ורדן טלקום.
>
> "המגעים האלה מתחלקים לשניים", הוא מפרט. "קודם כל, הטמעת הטכנולוגיות של הלקוחות שלנו באותן החברות, ומגעים עם חברות ירדניות שפונות לכיוון עיראק. אנחנו רואים את הפוטנציאל שם".
>
> ת.ד.א.ק מספקת ייעוץ אסטרטגי ופוליטי בנושאי שיווק לאיזורי אירופה ואמריקה הלטינית. החברה, שמנהלת כיום את פעילותה מארגנטינה, הוקמה ב-1987 בבוליביה כחברת ייעוץ פוליטי. ב-1995 נפתחה השלוחה הישראלית; בראשה עומדת תחיה קלינגר, ומועסקים בה ארבעה עובדים. לחברה נציגויות נוספות בגרמניה, ספרד, פולין, קוסטה-ריקה ובוליביה

Verticallization
----------------
10Pts if you know what i meant, it's actually getting a someone to be in a vertical position, getting him out of your bed, or something that rhymes with it - Head. so, in today's verticallization process i will be attempting that using some techniques, just stop me if you know the words.

MiXn`MatcH
----------
On this upcoming friday i shall be traveling to Dimona, with some ViPs, (no, not voice over IP specialists), and I'm going to be again in the newspaper or something, Yippee!. feel free to tell everyone that you know me. BTW: if they are (a) Tall (b) Dark Haired (c) Skinny (d) Vegan with (e) Small Breasts that is (f) Intelligent and (g) Doesn't gaze at things like a calf; then feel free to let me know about it.

Fade Out (Street Spirit)
------------------------
this week i got my Diners Card bill, which wasn't that big, however it was interesting, since i got 3 free meals with it, it pays to pay with your credit card. so i went on some meals with some people, having a great time (reason #1 why it is good to know and like me) each dinner was priced above 150 Nis. It is almost the end of this week's useless newsletter, and i tend to think that i am the only one reading it. however, just for people like you that read this mail, i came up with some special treats:

Exit Music (For a Film)
-----------------------
(A) Zabar - unfortunately, i will not be able to meet you in India, however nelly is there Next week.
(B) Carmi - Good luck with the wedding, still waiting for the invitation
(C) IlIl - Still owe you dinner, let me know when and where are you free and willing to meet.
(D) Shlomit - Don't 4get friday.
(E) Amir - Bring us Cig & Alc.
(F) Goni - Your papers are ready and waiting on the table.

Love, appreciation and Faith (to whomever you feel that deserves it)

---
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

---Disclaimer---
You are receiving this Email since Jonathan J. Klinger had thought that
his babbling is of your interest. should you want to stop getting his
babble, do mail him at Stop_Sending_Me_Junk@TDEK.ORG and he will stop
sending you any future mailings, however, doing so will insult him very much
---Disclaimer---

Article from Globes (copy-paste) + Hebrew Ver.
----------------------------------------------
The English announcement will be followed by a Hebrew one

Love, appreciation and Faith (to whomever you feel that deserves it)

---
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

Posted by jk at 06:22 AM | Comments (0)

July 31, 2003

Gan Shula Newsletter

Table of Contents
-----------------
(1) Frustration
(2) Coma
(3) Contest #352354e
(4) Site
(5) I miss myself

Frustration
-----------
I am NOT a homeowner, my penis if fine the way it is, i do not need it erect more than it is and i especially don't need it larger, i don't have boobs to enhance and i am not in need of vitamins, i do not want to marry a russian bride and i do not need a new cellphone nor a 0% APR platinum credit card, can anyone tell it to them????

Coma
----
After spending two night W/O sleep, i am currently on the terrace of the pub in the hotel I'm staying in, drinking my beer and smoking a nargila, surfing the web on my laptop with the WiFi adapter, can life be any better? i think so, unfortunately I'm here alone, with no one to discuss my problems, frustration and needs. therefor I'm starting a new award winning contest.

Contest #352354e
----------------
People do so many things, that their feelings get so numb around the beauty that surrounds them, i want to see that beauty, the contest is to show me the beauty of life, your life, each participant should write an essay on what he loves in his life and how does he deal with his boredom. the prize, you ask? you'll find out, trust me.

Site
----
Guy (A.K.A Muhadib) and I (A.K.A Toxic) started our new website, the goal is to be the first and biggest student portal in israel and cover all of the students' needs. we are starting with an academic assignment database and would love to see you contribute, with time and money, girls and other stuff that you feel appropriate.
the address, you ask? http://www.zilzul.com

I Miss myself.
--------------
well, i think that that's all i had to say today, except the following things:
(1) Ronna - CALL ME
(2) Ayelet - promised you a long time ago, only got to it now: http://download.com.com/3120-20-0.html?qt=net+nanny&tg=dl-2001
it's the link to the porn blocker
(3) Daphna - need to find time to meet you
(4) Zabar - you'd enjoy Jordan, you should try it sometime (only now i understood i forgot to tell everyone that I'm not in israel but in Amman)
(5) Eyal - thanks for the tips regarding london
(6) Gal - I`ll be back on friday for the party, don't worry

That's it.... I think that everyone should find within himself the time for peace....
--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

Posted by jk at 05:52 AM | Comments (0)

July 14, 2003

Gan Shula Newsletter

Ingredients:
------------
(1) London - Getting There
(2) London - Having Fun
(3) London - Drug Dealing
(4) London - The Line Ride
(5) London - Travel In General
(6) Life - Living up to standards
(7) Seminary Work
(8) Music
(9) Narcotix
(10) Sex And Sovereignty
(11) Trip

London - Getting There
----------------------
Woke up last sunday morning and i decided that i have to go to London (actually, i had booked ticket a week before, after knowing that i am in need of vacation); so i took my kid brother there and rented a hotel room (Holiday Inn **** - very recommended). The flight left at 15:45, and was terrible, do not, and i repeat, do not fly Arkia even if your life depends on it, T H E Y C H A R G E F O R A L C O H O L ! ! !.
After a non intoxicating flight, i understood that flying is not fun if it is made sober, so we walked to the train station and from the train station to the hotel, i put tal to bed and took a short walk to the nearest pub.

London - Having Fun
--------------------
It was a rather standard English pub, the time was half past ten at night, and it was in the process of making the customers go so they could close, i went to the cigarette vending machine, in hope to pay a pound or two for a pack of 20, however, i found myself paying 4.60 for 16 cigs, apparently they sell them in a 16 pack (is that a dozen and a third?) in vending machines to make more profit. that was the only piece of smokes i bought in this whole trip (besides the Cuban for Talmish)
However, after passing 6 nights in different pubs, which in all of them i drank Guinness and only Guinness, i started to see things a little clearer. (one might say the opposite, but it does comply)

London - Drug Dealing
---------------------
Well, i'll skip forward all the walks i made and all the fine music i listened to in order to tell you a bit about the party i was in on friday. the place was called "Fabric" (www.fabriclondon.com) and it's a 3 story club, in two there was RnB, but the third was DrumN'Bass, and the best kind of, so i went down to the basement floor. it was real big (and empty when i came there) so i sat in one of the corners and drank my Red Bull (4th for the day); after i finished my drink i went to the Johns in order to do my needs. on the way to the Johns i encountered a big Afro-English (or how do you say it PCed?) who asked me in a nice manner (and i do mean nice, I'm not kidding) whether i have any pills. i gently said i don't (after looking in my pockets, i could have made a whole lot of money that way) and after realizing i don't know how do the pills look like or even how much to charge for one, i moved on. afterward, every minute or so someone else came to me and asked me. the thing i noticed, however, is that I'm not the only one who is approached that way but I'm the only one who isn't making any money out of it, at last, my plan was complete, next time I'm there, i`ll sell Advils for 50 pounds a piece.

London - The Line Ride
----------------------
I reckon it was friday morning, but I'm not sure, when my brother wanted to see "British Airways' London Eye", so it was. we took the tube to Waterloo station and walked a few meters, then came to a complete stop, i was astound by the people there standing in line, it was like the "Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls" episode in South Park (Season II). there was a line to buy ticket, which after you bought you had so stand in a different line, to get the ticket checked, and after the ticket was checked you had to stand in a line for the ride, which led to another line, to get on the ride itself, all and all i stood in line 1.5 hours for a 27 minute ride. i think that for 10 pounds, the whole line experience is ok....

London - Travel In General
--------------------------
After a week without a car, i came to some conclusions regarding mass transportation, the first and most important is that if mass transportation is to be executed in israel, there must be a compulsory hygiene class in school, teaching people to use deodorant. the only good thing about the tube is that it's cheap, fast and is full of hot english chicks, if it was with drinks, you could have called it a club, easily.

Life - Living up to standards
-----------------------------
Well, that's the living up to standards, to sum up london, it was fun, i didn't meet any interesting people or had life defying experiences, but it was fun, strict fun, a week without any email is good. i rested, and got to know my kid brother, which i never had time for, since when he grew up i was a teenager and only wanted to play my guitar (very different from now, when I'm an adult and all i want to do is play my guitar).

Seminary Work
-------------
The good thing is i got to finish my seminary work, all f**king 30 pages of it. i read like 3000 pages, but it is at last complete and i can submit it and finally be eligible for my degree. i know that I'm finishing it in a year or so, but i need to submit this ASAP for a grade in research assignments.

Music
-----
Took my kid brother to a concert (not really big) of a jazz band, inside a coffee shop, it was so nice, to bad he got sick of the music and wanted to go after an hour. the only thing i learned from the show is not to drink ginger beer, it's not tasty.

Narcotix
--------
You ask how my narcotic seminar worked out? well, i think it was okay, not that bad, but it needs to be re-furbished, so if any one of you is interested in coming with us for a trip up north (or down south) for 2 days and one night, please let me know, sleeping bags and tents recommended. musical instruments are allowed and welcome.

Sex And Sovereignty
-------------------
Fact: (not really interesting, but yet, a fact) Jonathan Klinger had yet to experience sex outside the boundaries of Israel, meaning that I'm an offshore virgin or something, meaning that if i do not get any the next time i am abroad i shall be really depressed, BTW: any one of the Gals is "coming" with me the next time I'm flying? :-?

Trip
----
As this is the last segment for this one, i want to thank every one that got until this part and read the whole way through. you will be rewarded in the afterlife. the following messages need to be spread:
(1) A stupid person had erased all of the memory and pictures on my phone, so if all of you that haven't spoken to me this week could send me their # (and possibly pics). don't feel bad if i don't call you, it's just that i don't have your number.
(2) Anyone interested in making a big money and has an idea, please let me know, i want in.
(3) if anyone knows how to print counterfeit money, do let me know as well.
(4) If you don't read these mail and just delete them, let me know so i will erase you from the list, it really is just because i don't have time to talk to everyone in the world.

Love you all, Please do not have anal sex, as it causes anal infirmity.
--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277

Posted by jk at 01:30 AM | Comments (0)

June 17, 2003

Gan Shula Newsletter

Table Of Contents (my table is out of context)
----------------------------------------------
(1) Sex Outside The City
(2) 7/8
(3) Formalities, People?
(4) Narcotics Seminar
(5) Party NE1
(6) G.Z and his Tact
(7) Happiness In Slavery
(8) I-A W/S
(9) Advertisement, People, Need to make a few $$$
(10) Politics
(11) And Now For Something Completely Different

Sex outside the city
--------------------
None this week actually, or anytime in the near future, but nevermind; that's not the point. the point is that on July 10th i shall be departing to London for a couple of weeks, so if any of you plan to be there between July 10th and 24th, do let me know, i will have some facilities (I'm flying partially for work and partially for pleasure) like an office, hotel room and etc. the whole problem is that i need to baby-sit my kid brother while I'm there, so if any of you have any ideas as regarding what to do with an 11 year old in london (thought of taking him to brixton and letting him smoke, but that's too mean) that does not include alcohol and/or narcotics and/or staying up until late, let me know.

7/8
---
Had a great day yesterday, it began around noon time when i woke up (yes, i had the privilege to wake up around noon!!!!) and started to study for my test (which was today), after about 2-3 hours, i went to my parents house to see Guy, my kid brother (5 yrs old) which was kind of sick the day before, and to print out 50 more pages for the test. afterwards i went to the Mo`adonit and from there i took Anat and went to "Shvua Hasefer" where Nelly works. anyways, that's not my point, so the point is that i wrote a song the day before yesterday in 7/8, the chords are kind of complex, but i want to record it, it's really somewhat of a very complicated song with a very simple feel to it, so i need as much of you people as possible to put yourselves in.

Formalities, People?
---------------------
After functioning as a human typewriter in school for more than 2.5 years, i finally got my accreditation, in one of our courses, the Lecturer said "Please note that the material for the test is Jonathan's Notebook" of course, she got my name wrong, i wanted to kill her. but i wouldn't do so, it is kind of illegal.

Narcotics Seminar
-----------------
Well, my last test is on July 1st, and my flight is only on July 10th, meaning that there are 9 days in between to celebrate, what do we have to celebrate you ask? well, both Koch and Saar have birthdays, and i believe that at least Koch will be in the same position as me, that's why I'm inviting people for a Narcotics seminar to be held from 1/7/3 to 9/7/3, place is yet unknown. purpose - to forget we had school. what do we need? Beers, Vodka, Coffee, etc. I'd rather we do it outside (See George Michael's song) but nevermind, you decide.

Party, NE1?
-----------
Well, it's summertime, and we need to start producing parties, going out and stuff, mind you, the time is 23:39 and i am at home writing this log instead of drinking. Saar + Koch, it's your birthdays, don't expect a surprise party.

G.Z and his Tact
----------------
Extracted from Guy Zabar's letter to his friends:
"jhon:realy hapy 4 u ,start masterbating intensivly - thats the next step( tray it with alcohol it helps)"
[for those of us who did not understand, i used an electronic decrypter and got the following result]
"John: Really happy for you, start masturbating intensively - that's the next step (try it with alcohol - it helps"
Guy - Please note, that inspite the fact that i am happy, and that i love you very much, i would like to you to refer to the following Errs (not only the grammar and/or spelling!)
(1) My name is Jonathan, that is my birthname, if you want it shorter, you can call me Jon, if you want to nick me, you can use any nick you want. John with an "H" is Johan, but even if that was my name it was still misspelled.
(2) When you write things that concern personal acts within one's bedroom - either sex or masturbation, please try to send it as a personal message and not as one addressed to various people, including (but not only) your ex-girlfriend, your friends (who do not know me), your brother (who knows me for more than 23 years) and other people who know me.
(3) One of the most important courses that i will sign you up once you get to College is "Cryptography" so you can understand what do i have to undergo in order to understand what you wanted.
(4) Masturbating with alcohol is a big pain, you should know, some of your shampoos contained some.
(5) All is done with real love, you know how much i love and care for you and consider you as a best friend. however, i was quite upset.

Happiness in Slavery
--------------------
I think it says it all, but in case you didn't get it - when you are so busy and don't have time for yourself, i think you could be happier. that's the false happiness in life, after continuing with the meditation, i got to my real happiness, and it was afterwards followed by the much needed sadness.

I-A W/S
-------
(Inter Active Web Site) - I want to put up a web site with everyone's shit, meaning, please people, help me. i write my newsletter, but i know you all have what to rant on and who to diss, i want a big site that people can post to. (I have the hosting, that's not the problem)

Advertisement, People, need to make a few $$$
--------------------------------------------
My favorite station currently is called "Super Slut Radio" and has some of the best music available on the web, you can tune in with your winamp at ShoutCast.com. please do!

Politics
--------
well, I got nominated #5 at the Meretz municipality for Ramat Hasharon, please people, vote for me! you know i am good for it, and as i said, it's all a big part for my world domination plan, and since you know me, i would cut you a slack.

And now for something completely different
------------------------------------------
Credits - Notes - Messages
(1) Daphna - good to see you back, sorry i didn't have the time to see you this week, but you can drop over anytime, and feel free to harass me.
(2) Zabar - hope you didn't take it the wrong way.
(3) Schwartz - HPM-10, 40$ - remember (+ MMC) i`ll pay you back
(4) Amir - we all are happy for us, should we address you as Dr. Amit from now on?
(5) Yoav - next time you go for a week in sweden let me know.

That's all, Love you people, keep on doing what you do since i think that's why i actually like you and resent all the other people in this world.
--
Jonathan J. Klinger
TDEK Consulting Associates
Tel : +972-3-5408161
Fax : +972-3-5405697
Cell : +972-53-436436
Email: Jonathan@tdek.org
ICQ# : 28586277