I’m just wondering how could this be that i’m stuck in this infinite loop on one hand, and that i can’t do anything right on the other. The steroids are getting to me in the end. i don’t know whether it is the steroids or it’s the disease itself, but something is getting to me. somewhere, i know i can sleep, though i can’t really.

Everything just goes by in a normal way. i mean i wake up in the morning, though i’m not asleep at all, and i go and do what i need to. I can’t perform in the best way, but i am trying. I can’t think straight, i can’t drink and i can’t rest. but maybe in four days, when i get everything over with, it will be better. Just four more days, and then this holocaust of sound will end.

I could be wrong, i could be living with it until the end of all times. and then what? would then my life seem different? would then i stop with it, saying that i have to live with it and that is that? maybe i can, maybe not.

But then i will have no more excuses, i will have to say something for myself. i will have to live somewhere and do something.

I feel so inefficient, i feel neglected. I wake up and start to stare at the wall, do my everyday things, but nothing. nothing helps.

But then, i can’t even read straight. my eyes strain after all these days.

I tried going out, to pubs, to clubs, but nothing, nothing helps, all seems blurry.

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