Again, I urge you, if you do not like me annoying you with very long letters in foreign languages, please do not read this and just say no!

"Everybody knows that the dice are loaded;
everybody rolls with their fingers crossed;
everybody knows that the war is over;
everybody know the good guys lost;
everybody knows the fight was fixed;
the poor stay poor, the rich get rich;
that's how it goes - and everybody knows"
(Leonard Cohen)

Well, we lost today, but fear not, i did not take this personally since i am only partly responsible. bear in mind that i am writing this letter after being deprived of sleep for more than 50 hours, and after counting votes, putting up signs and baby-sitting many many youngsters who decided to support meretz by volunteering.....

First things first
------------------
Well, after doing everything but swallow in the last few days in the meretz branch, i've decided the following decision for this upcoming year. I understood how much money is being spent poorly on stupid things and i shall elaborate and see whether you can help me.

Woke up (after 1 hour of sleep 0500-0600) and went to the shower, then to vote and to the branch. i started by sticking posters and etc. all around town (after yesterday i attached the sheep to the electricity poles) so i was quite tired. then came the good stuff. around five o'clock in the afternoon i had to stand in position in morsha, ramat hasharon and see that all is going well, i stood outside the school with a few 14 year old shas supporters. i decided i have to do stuff that matter and not just hand out leaflets. i started to talk with the darn kids and asked about their life and stuff. after an hour or so we started to talk about the army, and all of them said that they will not enlist. i myself asked them why, and they gave me the obvious answer that by praying (or is it preying, i don't really remember what is it that ultra-orthodox people do....) they shall save our sacred country. so then came my obvious next question, if i would have been as ultra-orthodox as they are, and prayed, and so will all of the other people, like they want to - what would happen to the country, who will guard it, the again obvious answer arose, that the almighty god (in which i have no faith nor belief) shall save us. after a few more minutes of discussion, i got to the important part. i persuaded one of them to think about (and he looked like he is really going to) joining the army. moreover, the real important part was that we continued to discuss issues and i understood the real problem (IMHO)

after looking at the results of the poles tonight, i decided that the only way to really change stuff is by really doing, meaning draft more people in to doing what i believe in, which is social and political justice. so i decided that if i would get the proper assistance, i will be starting a summer camp for the kids of morasha, it is currently under an accelerated orthodoxation stage (i think that i had just invented a new word); this had happened due to several factors, which are irrelevant to my issue here. the socio-economic state of the people there is terrible and most kids are highly influenced by either religion or shas. i am looking for people who would be able to assist me with anything (educational programme, guidance, donations, and/or anything else) the whole idea is to show the people in the neighborhood that Shas is not the only way, not by blocking shas, but by providing a new alternative that could lead the way for a major change. i think that we need to start where we have much information about (out of 406 voters that i counted today, 143 voted for Shas and 146 for the Likud in morasha) and since it is close but still in need for help.
I think that this pilot project could be a new beginning for many people and even contribute to the look of the neighborhood (which currently looks like a "Maabara" in some parts) and if we can do what we did in Dor-Shalom (go in houses and renovate and stuff) we can even make the place better.
Please help me with whatever you can, please?

Besides that,
(1) Shinuy deserves my respeck (not a typo) for what they achieved (even though i don't agree with what they say)
(2) People - My birthday is coming up (next monday) and i have yet to receive my presents (a tall, skinny, smart vegan with small breasts and w/o a gaze of a calf would do - i also wish for world peace)
(3) Love you all.
--
Jonathan J. Klinger

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New Room/New Life?
------------------
Well, we moved in our new apartment, and it is real real real big. i got a new room, with my own private bathroom and walk-in closet. i put my bar in the living room and started to fix everything in it. it really feels like a house and i like it. i can live with that feeling for a long time.

Semester Break
--------------
(if you can call it like it) I started my semester's break (and the obvious tests that are attached to it) and therefore have so little time to do what i want, and so much time has to be dedicated to other stuff. please do not feel bad if i have so little time i cannot call or return calls or stuff. you can always email me and get a response in under 48 hours, i promise

Roommate
-------
Meir and I are still looking for another roommate to stay in the extra room (which is currently occupied by Saar, that decided that until we have a paying roommate he is staying there) and we are willing to settle. we just need someone who is able to live with our psychosomatic problems and is willing to participate in the rent. do let me know if you know someone who is willing to do so.

Elections
---------
Depending on the weather, the election day BBQ will be held either at Tal's garden or in our apartment. again - Poker and alcohol (and dead animals if you like them). please participate.

My upcoming Birthday
--------------------
Well, since i know that most of you will either not remember it or just won't be here to celebrate with me, i decided to put out a list of possible presents that i am _willing_ to accept, any list present outside this list might be ignored and could be used against you. the following items are approved by me:
(1) Girl - Tall, Slim, Smart, Vegan with small breasts, a higher priority to Anorexic Black haired girls who know how to play the piano
(2) World Peace/World Domination - but not both
(3) Mini-Bar for my Bar.
(4) Alcoholic Beverages:
4.1 Whiskey - either Dimple or anything which begins with Glen
4.2 Vodka - Finlandia/Absolut/Danska ONLY
4.3 Rum - Only Havana Club or Bacardi
4.4 Gin - Gordon's or Bombay Sapphire
4.5 Tequila - Cuervo Gold only.
4.6 Absinthe
4.7 AfterShock
(5) Recreational Equipment
(6) Handcrafted presents (with higher priority than 3-5) since i do not really like presents that cost money. [long story, began when on my 16th birthday my girlfriend bought me a CD]
Anyways, i think i shall be holding a party and stuff the week after the next week, we'll see how it goes and keep you updated on the date and time. hope you could all be there.

Until next time,
--
Jonathan J. Klinger

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13.3 רציונאליזם

טוב, מה שאני הולך לעשות פה זה בעצם לנתח בצורה רציונאלית את הבעיה הנוכחית שלי, או שבעצם היא לא בעיה, אלא פתרון בהתהוות. יש בחורה שאני נמשך אליה. ולא רק זה, יש בחורה שאני מעוניין בה, והיא גורמת לי להרגיש טוב. אני אפילו לא זוכר מתי היתה הפעם האחרונה שהרגשתי טוב, נקודה.

ניתוח רציונאלי של מה שעובר עליי, כי זה מה שאני יודע לעשות, זה מה שאני טוב בו, וזו הדרך היחידה בה אני יכול למצוא פתרון לבעיה שלי, אז אולי הקטע הבא לא מומלץ לאלה עם לב חלש או לאלו שמנהלות\ניהלו איתי מערכת יחסים כי זה מסביר איך אני חושב בצורה מעוותת, וגורם לי להראות ממש רע, אבל אני כותב את זה לעצמי.

תחילה – מדוע ענת, למה אני נמשך אליה, ולמה לעזאזל היא גורמת לי להרגיש טוב. ניתוח רציונאלי – מודלים של קבלת החלטות, כל אחד מסביר בצורה אחרת למה אני בחרתי את האישה הזו, ולפי כל אחד אני אנתח לאחר מכן איך לפעול. (אני שוב מעיר שזו פעם ראשונה שאני באמת צריך להתאמץ כדי להשיג מישהי, והיא כנראה הבחורה היחידה שלא השגתי למרות שרציתי, אבל אם נוסיף את המילה עדיין, אזי אולי הדוגמאטיות שלי לא תשבר).

מודל ראשון – העלות השקועה – אני מחזר אחרי ענת, הן במישרין והן בעקיפין כבר בערך חמש שנים, כלומר מהיום שהכרתי אותה, ומכיוון שהשקעתי כל כך הרבה, יהיה זה בזבוז אם הכל ירד לטמיון, ולכן אני אשקיע עוד.
מודל שני – מודל החלטות עבר – ענת נראית בדיוק כמו מיה, ומתנהגת כמוה, ולכן אני נמשך אליה, או כי היא מזכירה לי את מיה, או כי זה סוג הטיפוסים אשר אליהם אני נמשך, ולכן אני מסיק (בהגיון המעוות שלי) שאם היה לי טוב עם מיה, ונכשל מסיבה כלשהי, אולי אני אצליח לשחזר חלק מזה ולעשות מקצה שיפורים.
מודל שלישי – מודל ההחלטה הסדרתית – מכיוון שאני יודע שאם אני אתאמץ ככל יכולתי להשיג מישהי מסוימת, אני כנראה אכשל, ועלות הכשלון היא גדולה מדי, אני מנסה להשיג כמה בחורות במקביל, ולכן אני לא משקיע מספיק באף אחת מהן ואני נכשל.
מודל רביעי – חוץ רציונאלי – ענת גורמת לי להרגיש טוב כי אולי נועדנו להיות ביחד\הקוראת בקלפים שלי אמרה זאת\זה כתוב בכוכבים
מודל חמישי – לא רציונאלי – אני מעוניין בענת כי אני לא מעוניין באף אחת אחרת.

מן המודלים האלה ניתן לגזור תוכנית פעולה רציונאלית, על בסיס חישובי עלות תועלת. כשהעלויות ידועות והתועלת היא כמיתה. במקרה הזה אני אכמת את התועלות לפי המודלים.

מודל ראשון – רציונאלי כלכלי –
עלות – סרט וארוחה, לפחות 200 ₪, כולל דלק, פופקורן, טלפונים לפני ואחרי וביגוד מתאים.

תועלת – כדי לחשב את מחיר השוק אני צריך לפנות לשוק, שבמקרה זה לצערי נמצא במתחם הבורסה ברמת-גן.
מציצה – 50 ₪ (בחצר, בחדר זה 100 ₪)
נשיקה – אין תמחור. יש סרטים אמריקאים בהם מוכרים זאת בדולר.
מין – עם אישה ברמה של ענת יעלה לי לפחות 550 ₪.
מערכת יחסים – רוב האנשים מייחסים לזה עלות שלילית ושקועה, ולכן אני אייתר עצמי מלדון בכך.

אחרי שחישבתי את העלויות והתועלות, יש לחשב את התוחלות של העניין, כלומר – לקחת את העלות – 200 ₪, להכפיל במספר הפגישות שיש לקיים כדי להגיע למצב הרצוי, ולהכפיל בהסתברות שאכן דבר כזה יקרה. ולכן אני אאלץ לפי המודל הכלכלי להשאר בבית ולהזמין סרטים כחולים.

המודל השני – מודל השבעת הרצון – כעקרון הדוגמא הקלאסית היא בבחירת בני זוג, אבל במקרה הזה אני אחפש לאן אפשר להזמין אותה, עד אשר אמצא חלופה שמשביעה את הרצון, לא בהכרח אחפש את המקום המושלם.

טוב נו, זה בעצם הבדיחה הקטנה שלי דלהיום. לילה טוב.

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-THIS IS NOT SPAM, It's just my opinion-
Dear Friends,

I am writing this special extended edition of the Gan-Shula Newsletter and addressing it to many people who are not regular readers of this newsletter only because of it's great importance to our future. I would appreciate it if you spammed the net with what i had to say and make it a big f**king chain letter, so every person could get my pearls of wisdom.
this special edition is dedicated to the upcoming elections in israel. i know that most of you had already made up your minds regarding what and who to vote for, however, after viewing the propaganda on TV for two days, i had decided i have things to say. here goes - Don't love me for it, don't hate me for it. just keep it in the back of your heads when you go and cast your vote, and more important, when you talk to other people.

First things first, The "Ichud Haleumi"
---------------------------------------
Well, despite my appreciation to Yariv Ben-Eliezer, and moreover to his grandfather, i shall write my criticism and be more than offensive -
(1) Have you noticed that Arye Eldar, former Chief Officer of the Medical Core in the IDF, has the physical characteristics of a sex-maniac? meaning, he twitches and moves like one, and has this sick perverted look in his eyes.
(2) Moreover, why couldn't he learned his text? do we have to see him pausing for a second and reading it off the teleprompter?
(3) Esterika? who is she, and in what porn movies did she play in the 70s? she looks like her husband (possibly Arye Eldar) is a plastic surgeon, if not, she had to pay too much money for her cosmetic treatments.
(4) "We trust in Liberman"? first things first, Liber - German for PIG, Man - you know... well, is he the "Pig-Man" or is he not? can i trust a person who hits little kids to represent me? regardless of my political opinions....
(5) While watching an interview with liberman in a moving car, you can notice that he is not wearing his seat belt, did someone forget? or did the impact of the new advertisement was not as effective on Liberman as on other people??

Mafdal (Bet)
------------
Efi Eitam, a self-proclaimed Messiah and a known right wing activist, is leading a party with the most honest people in our parliament, however, they fail to present them, while showing his decorations in the military and presenting the Mafdal as the last post to protect israel as a Jewish state. I myself am not a potential voter of the Mafdal, however, they seem to be one of the last ideological parties in our beloved parliament, or at least were, until he came. As for my impressions:
(1) Apparently, they had the same copywriters as Cellcom - notice the similarity between their Jingle and Cellcom's "Bishvily Hakochav Ze Ata"
(2) Where are all the Dos-Chicks, dancing and prancing to Wo-Oh-Wo-Oh-Wo-Oh-Ay-Ya-Ya-Yay??? i miss them from the 92' elections?
(3) What will you be doing with the downfall of israel's economy? are there any ideas? we care a lot!

Meretz
------
Well, you all are aware of who shall i be voting for these elections, however, it will not be because of their charming campaign (has anyone ever compared a campaign in WarCraft or Dune to a political campaign?), the following things have yet to ease my mind!
(1) "Navi Ota BeTzedek Hevrati Ahoti" ? is this a way to treat the great problem of social injustice in israel? wouldn't it be more appropriate to say something about it? i know meretz wants to look young, fresh and spunky, however, this is a total parody...
(2) The Music? can't we be a little more focused on our audience (audience - audio!)
(3) Passing 20 social laws does not make you a good party! passing no laws and legalizing things will! it is not the amount of laws you pass, it's the content you put in to them!

Ale-Yarok
---------
If it wasn't sad it could have been funny..... A party trying to get into our parliament, with only one issue. well, i read their manifest, and it's not only that. they have other important matter which they discuss. HOWEVER - their ads do not. the ad begins with a "knock-knock" "who's there?" "police, open up!" and then gets all creepy..... well, as for their campaign manager, i am sure he was good, until he started smoking..... another problem - the ads ends with - "There is a demonstration, On the 28th, DON'T FORGET TO BRING YOUR ID" i think they learned a lesson from the last time where everyone was so stoned they couldn't remember to bring an ID for the Elections

Shas
----
The ad today began with Eli Yishai complaining about the immigration from the former USSR, i would have been insulted if i was an immigrant, i take the permission to be insulted on their behalf. but, some things have changed since 1999 - Beni Elbaz, my beloved soul singer did not participate in this campaign and i had no possibility to hear him sing "Hu Zakai" again. too bad. could it be the beginning of the end? Nahh....

Shinuy
------
The closest thing to not voting is shinuy, and you could see it in their ads, they start with "are you tired of all the other parties being corrupt?" etc etc. the other funny thing is that their ad features a Computer-Game animation of a "Shinuy" Figure fighting arrows from religion, Miluyim, Taxes and etc. they offer to lower taxes, how can a party who had not participated in the government for the last 6 years offer that? they do not know how to handle coalitional pressure.

Adovda
------
Well, they could have ridden the wave of corruption in the Likud, and go out with a positive campaign for Mitzna, since, NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR MORE ABOUT OMRI SHARON AND ALPERON! however, they failed to do so. on other matters, they do present Mitzna in uniform, looking similar to Fidel Castro, could they have used it in a positive way???

Likud?
------
Well, I Believe that they, as the biggest party after the elections, have to start saying what will they do and not to start mocking Mitzna (and the entire Avoda)'s lack of experience. they could have started to use their time in order to make some things.

Heirut
------
This word, as you all know stands for "Freedom", well, besides offering the Israelites from an Arab origin a bus pass to Jordan he did everything! Michael Kleiner (in german - Smaller) started to speak about the growth rate of arabs in israel, and explained that its either "them" or "us" (i don't know where i would like to be more, with Kleiner in the same room or with Azmi Bshara. Actually i do know, with Azmi, since he won't try to kill me since i don't have blue eyes and blonde hair - well, wait a minute, i do have blue eyes....) Kleiner started to speak about migrating (not transferring) the arabs to close near by states.

Hadash
------
This party, which actually i feel for start their campaign with two different shoots - one in an israeli cemetery and one in a palestinian one. showing that we are all the same. nice idea, the only problem is that it looks like a part from a Egyptian film, where any minute the girl will commit suicide on the friends' grave.....

Please think about what and who will you vote for, please....
All the others are not as important, so i fail to see why to bother you with them.
-THIS IS NOT SPAM-
--
Jonathan J. Klinger

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