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January 09, 2003

Gan Shula Newsletter, Extended Special Edition

-THIS IS NOT SPAM, It's just my opinion-
Dear Friends,

I am writing this special extended edition of the Gan-Shula Newsletter and addressing it to many people who are not regular readers of this newsletter only because of it's great importance to our future. I would appreciate it if you spammed the net with what i had to say and make it a big f**king chain letter, so every person could get my pearls of wisdom.
this special edition is dedicated to the upcoming elections in israel. i know that most of you had already made up your minds regarding what and who to vote for, however, after viewing the propaganda on TV for two days, i had decided i have things to say. here goes - Don't love me for it, don't hate me for it. just keep it in the back of your heads when you go and cast your vote, and more important, when you talk to other people.

First things first, The "Ichud Haleumi"
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Well, despite my appreciation to Yariv Ben-Eliezer, and moreover to his grandfather, i shall write my criticism and be more than offensive -
(1) Have you noticed that Arye Eldar, former Chief Officer of the Medical Core in the IDF, has the physical characteristics of a sex-maniac? meaning, he twitches and moves like one, and has this sick perverted look in his eyes.
(2) Moreover, why couldn't he learned his text? do we have to see him pausing for a second and reading it off the teleprompter?
(3) Esterika? who is she, and in what porn movies did she play in the 70s? she looks like her husband (possibly Arye Eldar) is a plastic surgeon, if not, she had to pay too much money for her cosmetic treatments.
(4) "We trust in Liberman"? first things first, Liber - German for PIG, Man - you know... well, is he the "Pig-Man" or is he not? can i trust a person who hits little kids to represent me? regardless of my political opinions....
(5) While watching an interview with liberman in a moving car, you can notice that he is not wearing his seat belt, did someone forget? or did the impact of the new advertisement was not as effective on Liberman as on other people??

Mafdal (Bet)
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Efi Eitam, a self-proclaimed Messiah and a known right wing activist, is leading a party with the most honest people in our parliament, however, they fail to present them, while showing his decorations in the military and presenting the Mafdal as the last post to protect israel as a Jewish state. I myself am not a potential voter of the Mafdal, however, they seem to be one of the last ideological parties in our beloved parliament, or at least were, until he came. As for my impressions:
(1) Apparently, they had the same copywriters as Cellcom - notice the similarity between their Jingle and Cellcom's "Bishvily Hakochav Ze Ata"
(2) Where are all the Dos-Chicks, dancing and prancing to Wo-Oh-Wo-Oh-Wo-Oh-Ay-Ya-Ya-Yay??? i miss them from the 92' elections?
(3) What will you be doing with the downfall of israel's economy? are there any ideas? we care a lot!

Meretz
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Well, you all are aware of who shall i be voting for these elections, however, it will not be because of their charming campaign (has anyone ever compared a campaign in WarCraft or Dune to a political campaign?), the following things have yet to ease my mind!
(1) "Navi Ota BeTzedek Hevrati Ahoti" ? is this a way to treat the great problem of social injustice in israel? wouldn't it be more appropriate to say something about it? i know meretz wants to look young, fresh and spunky, however, this is a total parody...
(2) The Music? can't we be a little more focused on our audience (audience - audio!)
(3) Passing 20 social laws does not make you a good party! passing no laws and legalizing things will! it is not the amount of laws you pass, it's the content you put in to them!

Ale-Yarok
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If it wasn't sad it could have been funny..... A party trying to get into our parliament, with only one issue. well, i read their manifest, and it's not only that. they have other important matter which they discuss. HOWEVER - their ads do not. the ad begins with a "knock-knock" "who's there?" "police, open up!" and then gets all creepy..... well, as for their campaign manager, i am sure he was good, until he started smoking..... another problem - the ads ends with - "There is a demonstration, On the 28th, DON'T FORGET TO BRING YOUR ID" i think they learned a lesson from the last time where everyone was so stoned they couldn't remember to bring an ID for the Elections

Shas
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The ad today began with Eli Yishai complaining about the immigration from the former USSR, i would have been insulted if i was an immigrant, i take the permission to be insulted on their behalf. but, some things have changed since 1999 - Beni Elbaz, my beloved soul singer did not participate in this campaign and i had no possibility to hear him sing "Hu Zakai" again. too bad. could it be the beginning of the end? Nahh....

Shinuy
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The closest thing to not voting is shinuy, and you could see it in their ads, they start with "are you tired of all the other parties being corrupt?" etc etc. the other funny thing is that their ad features a Computer-Game animation of a "Shinuy" Figure fighting arrows from religion, Miluyim, Taxes and etc. they offer to lower taxes, how can a party who had not participated in the government for the last 6 years offer that? they do not know how to handle coalitional pressure.

Adovda
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Well, they could have ridden the wave of corruption in the Likud, and go out with a positive campaign for Mitzna, since, NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR MORE ABOUT OMRI SHARON AND ALPERON! however, they failed to do so. on other matters, they do present Mitzna in uniform, looking similar to Fidel Castro, could they have used it in a positive way???

Likud?
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Well, I Believe that they, as the biggest party after the elections, have to start saying what will they do and not to start mocking Mitzna (and the entire Avoda)'s lack of experience. they could have started to use their time in order to make some things.

Heirut
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This word, as you all know stands for "Freedom", well, besides offering the Israelites from an Arab origin a bus pass to Jordan he did everything! Michael Kleiner (in german - Smaller) started to speak about the growth rate of arabs in israel, and explained that its either "them" or "us" (i don't know where i would like to be more, with Kleiner in the same room or with Azmi Bshara. Actually i do know, with Azmi, since he won't try to kill me since i don't have blue eyes and blonde hair - well, wait a minute, i do have blue eyes....) Kleiner started to speak about migrating (not transferring) the arabs to close near by states.

Hadash
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This party, which actually i feel for start their campaign with two different shoots - one in an israeli cemetery and one in a palestinian one. showing that we are all the same. nice idea, the only problem is that it looks like a part from a Egyptian film, where any minute the girl will commit suicide on the friends' grave.....

Please think about what and who will you vote for, please....
All the others are not as important, so i fail to see why to bother you with them.
-THIS IS NOT SPAM-
--
Jonathan J. Klinger

נכתב על ידי jk ביום\שעה January 9, 2003 06:53 AM