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January 31, 2005

Gan Shula Newsletter, January 31st, 2005

49 Hours, Thirty five minutes
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Until the clock stops ticking for me; It will not be the same me, Not just the years, but more. I still remember how i was ten years ago, and how nothing changed in this world. Still alone, still lonely. Back then i was with Noa; we were exactly 5 months on the day of my birthday, and we celebrated in some strange way. I don't think we went out or something; it was just something simple. Sitting with friends, It was a Friday. As i checked now. And if i hadn't burnt my journal from those days, i could have told you exactly what i did. Pay attention to what you do, since one of these days everything you wrote will disappear. So i'm sitting with a glass of vodka (double shot, on the rocks) in my hand and thinking about what has changed. well? Rabin died.

I Remember my 17th birthday, it was different in all so many ways. It was one of the first massive parties i ever held, felt quite popular for the first time in my life. too many people i did not know. too many people that i could have been with. My 17th birthday was strange. A couple of weeks before it i met K/S (initials reserved) and we were together for a short while. That time was also towards the end of Oren and Anat's relationship; right after Rabin was assassinated. Too many people came to my birthday party, most of them were complete strangers back then. it was also the day i met Feiginson.

My 18th birthday was split in two: on one hand, we took a jeep trip with some friends, and Feig filled my car with mud, besides that it was fun. on the other hand, we sat (as a group) in the Viduy at night, and it was fun. nothing special, no person which i couldn't live without. I felt appreciated.

My 19th Birthday? well, I was already in the army, and my mother was 9 months pregnant, I was with Liron. Don't think i did anything special. I do remember the new years eve of 1998. but my birthday? had i remained uncelebrated? can't recall, and that is a bad thing.

On my 20th Birthday i met Maya; well, actually, we met and fell in love on the same day. It was a big party i held at my parents house, something real grand. I think i drank like i never drank before, but i was not intoxicifyed. I still remember the cops coming at 4am to stop the noise, and banging on the toilet door, when we had to get out. then came a wonderful relationship.

My 21st Birthday was "uncelebrated" as it was people going out to the "Kochav". i did quite a lot of poppers. Maya took me first for a wonderful restaurant in a taxi (was meant to be a limo, but something was messed up) and then we got back to her place, and went out. I think that we even got back home early for some reason.

My 22nd Birthday was right after we moved to the apartment in hertzelia; and it was the exam period, so we went to the Satchmo, which i was acquainted to only a few weeks before. I drank a frozen margarita, got back home. there were only a few people there, but only people i loved.

For my 23rd birthday i decided to hold a big party. and so it was, bartender and dj; a real set, lots of people were there, real fun. around 5 o'clock everyone went home, i thanked god, cleaned my parents house up and got home. Then Anna came, and then we came together; she had her period, and we went to her house, showered and made out. the week after was terrible, we met again but I left in the middle, it's one of the worst things i ever done to a person, walking in the middle. i just couldn't do it. it didn't feel right.

My 24th Birthday was celebrated in my apartment, with some friends. we played music, drank and had lots of fun. nothing grandiose, but only with people i love. It was actually one of the best.

My 25th Birthday was a "great success" no one remembers what happened. I do have photos showing that everyone had fun, though. and i do remember the beginning, when we played music, but then the alcohol came. I don't remember _anything_ but i do remember the reactions. I even liked some of them.

So, 49 more hours. a decade in retrospect. what should i say? nothing can make me feel young again. Maybe.

נכתב על ידי jk ביום\שעה January 31, 2005 10:44 PM